It's always hardest to post on a week like this week. It's hard to admit that I am not doing well, and it's hard to admit that makes me sad. I don't know what's wrong, but I'm blaming winter. It's been dreary and raining all week. It's made me tired and unmotivated. I think I have an undiagnosed case of S.A.D. (Seasonal affective disorder, aka the winter blues).
I've finished my 10k training program and don't have another race in sight (translation: no motivation). I've been busy after work each day, which means no time for fun Turbo Kicks and only the boring treadmill or elliptical facing me during my lunch hour workouts (although today I enjoyed a nice walk on the track with a friend).
I hate the fact that my posts are so cyclical. I'm either super-enthusiastic and Ms. Motivation or I'm all "woe-is-me" and "I'll never succeed." I feel like Sisyphus, the king from Greek mythology who was punished by the gods to roll a heavy boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down again, over and over through all eternity. (No, I didn't remember his name either. I had to google "name of guy in greek mythology who rolls a stone up a hill in the underworld" to learn it.)
The weight loss thing has been such a struggle. It has never been easy, even though I have been successful. I think the reason that I've been having trouble being consistently on track lately is because it is such a fight. I've been fighting it for over a year, and I am tired. But I have to keep pushing this rock up the hill because if I don't, it might roll back down and crush me.
People often comment that they like the honesty of this blog. I feel like that's pretty honest for ya.
The worst part is that logically, I know I'm being ridiculous. I know I am wallowing. I know I should set some small goals that I know I can accomplish and feel good about. I know how to succeed! So why don't I just suck it up and do what needs to be done and lose 100 pounds? I don't know. I guess because there is a large part of me that is not logical; a part of me that is made up of stupid feelings.
Good news: I spent some time researching triathlons and triathlon training programs, and I think I've identified my next race goal: The Turtle Crawl Sprint Triathlon in Jekyll Island, Georgia in May. Maybe this will help lend me some structure.
I am so feeling the S.A.D. too. Bleh.
ReplyDeleteLet's pray each other through winter.
Favourite line of the post: "I guess because there is a large part of me that is not logical; a part of me that is made up of stupid feelings."
I cannot wait until the Turtle Crawl!
I hear ya on the winter blah and feeling like you're floundering.
ReplyDeleteIt is better when you're "feeling it," but often, like tons of people, I plow through to get done what needs to be accomplished. That attitude/ability, in some way, is a gift.
It makes me think of the parable of the persistent widow, who bugs and bugs that mean judge to grant her justice. And eventually, the judge, not because he is just or is a swell guy caves, because the widow wouldn't leave him alone.
Maybe that persistent chipping away at the giant task is like that. Keep on chipping, which is boring and insignificant on its own, and that bolder will eventually be a pebble.
How's that for combining a parable and a myth? That's why they pay me the big bucks...(not really).
PS
There's a Pearl Jam song about Sisyphus.
I would like to officially make my comments a response to Jill's blog and Amie's comments. I used to have S.A.D. when we were in the Carolinas, but thanks to my sunny window and the lack of biting freezing weather here in Glynn County, I haven't had it in nearly two years! I hope very very much it is sunny when you visit. Actually, if it's going to be a rainy weekend, you should reschedule. I am praying for you both this winter. [And we had the same favorite line [of course.]] You are both awesome and my favorite people in the world! LOVE!
ReplyDelete~