Fear

I think most people have some fear inside them.  I'm not talking fear of snakes or bugs*, but a deeper, emotional fear. The kind of fears we don't really talk about most of the time, and try to push down inside us when they rise to the surface. I don't want to try and list all of the possible fears you could have, because I would undoubtedly miss yours. 

What am I primarily afraid of today that sparked this particular post? Trying and failing to get back on track with my diet. Again.  It seems that since November, I've been repeatedly trying to get back on track and it works for awhile, but then I go crazy or get busy or tired and blow it.**

It's a fear that grows a little bit each time I try and then fail. By now it has grown so big that it is close to keeping me from even trying again in the first place.  

When I thought about wanting to write about fear, I went to the dictionary to see what it said:

Fear: -noun- a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain,etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

I share this with you because I like the fact that it specifically says "whether the threat is real or imagined."  It's like the dictionary knows humans are all a little crazy.

Now as a Christian who believes what the Bible tells me, I know that I should not fear.  The Bible says that a lot in a lot of different places.  But again, it is a matter of knowing something logically with your brain, and figuring out how to communicate it to the part of you that does the feeling.

I need to go back to the basics. Start small.  Don't put so much pressure on myself (but how does one do that?) I feel like I'm starting this journey all over again. 

*Or in my case, cats and bridges.

**A few definitions for you: "Diet" is when I am eating lots of fruits and vegetable daily, tracking my calorie counts and making a concerted effort to drink lots more water than Diet Pepsi. It is not a super-restrictive, punishing diet.  "Blowing it" is when I give myself over to cravings and temptations full of chocolate, ice cream and fast foods.  And it's not like I can just have a little bit of these treats and be satisfied. No. Once I start with them, it is a slippery slope into full blown "blowing it" mode.