Living in the Gray

Maybe it's because fitness magazines and diet blogs talk a lot about how we (as a society of fat women, I guess) should not "diet" anymore, but embrace the healthy lifestyle, but I feel like a failure when I'm not 100 % on track. I feel like a failure because I'm not craving healthy foods, but still fried stuff and chocolate.

Over the last two years, I've always classified myself as either "good" (i.e. eating within my calorie range, working out six times a week, not eating out) or "bad" (i.e. eating well over my recommended calorie range, skipping workouts, eating out more than once a day at times). I have "good" or "bad" days, but mostly I have "good" or "bad" weeks that tend to lead into "good" or "bad" months. It's all black or white.

I've tried somewhat unsuccessfully to eat in a way that I refer to as "normal" without having to count my calories. Not black or white, but somewhere in the gray. It hasn't exactly worked for me. I always let it get out of control. Lunch eaten out can lead to dinner out.  One cookie from the batch a co-worker brings leads to four cookies from the batch a co-worker brings.  You get the picture.

'Cause if you can only have one more cookie, it might as well
be this one.

I think the key to living in the gray is perspective. I haven't failed if I go out to lunch.  I can go out to lunch, eat less snacks and a sensible dinner and stay within my calorie range (or close to it.) Eating a cookie doesn't mean it will be the last opportunity to eat cookies that I'm going to have in my life. One or two should be enough, because there will always be another time for cookies, right?

I think in the last week or so, I've been close to striking the balance and living in the gray.  At first I was quick to label the excessive amount of meals out lately (Note: I still have room to curb this habit) as failure.

But I need to recognize that there have been some successes mixed in as well. I went to a party Saturday and didn't eat one bite of the party food. I ate multiple meals at home over the weekend, which is prime eating out time. On two separate days, I did eat out, but still managed to stay within my calorie range.

Living in the gray is a lot harder than living black or white. Black or white garners expectations and boundaries, but gray is a looser goose. Despite the challenge, though, I think it is what makes this lifestyle do-able.

Maybe I'm finally starting to grasp what the fitness magazines and diet blogs are saying.  It's not about extremes. It's about a lifestyle you can maintain.  It's about not feeling deprived but not indulging every whim. It's a tricky balance.