On T-shirts

I receive a LOT of free t-shirts.  Between church events, races, presents and my work, I should never pay money for a t-shirt (yet, I still sometimes do.)

Before I started on this weight loss journey two and a half years ago, my after-work wardrobe was comprised almost strictly of t-shirts.

About two years ago now, I began packing away my X-Large t-shirts. I wore less t-shirts as I became more comfortable in my body, and those that I did wear were newly acquired Larges.  But as I gave away my other, larger items of clothing, I couldn't bear to part with my t-shirts. Sounds silly, but each one represented something.  Maybe it was a particular church trip or a group I was a part of in college (yes, I was still wearing shirts from college eight years later), but the t-shirts held memories, so I packed them in drawers instead of giving them away.

My intent, at the time, was to have them sewn into a quilt.  Maybe not the classiest of projects, but I liked the idea that it would give life to my t-shirts that I could no longer wear. But of course, plans for craft projects are often just plans and never actually completed, so my t-shirts stayed in drawers.

That is until this week when I got fed up with the tightness of my Large t-shirts.  See, I have accumulated quite the collection of Larges in the last two years, but recently I've only been wearing a few that are more "forgiving." So this week, I broke down and opened the drawer that contained my X-Larges.  I pulled them all out, with mixed emotions.  Happy to see these shirts that represent good memories, but sad because needing the X-Larges again means I've regained a lot of my former weight.

I washed them and now they hang in the closet (yes, I hang t-shirts), and some of the Larges have been moved to storage.

Yesterday's X-Large shirt debut

Pulling out the X-Larges felt something like defeat, but when I pulled on one yesterday, it was also a relief.  Relief to feel clothes that are too big, rather than too small. Relief that they are longer than the Larges, which means they're better at hiding my (now) wide(r) hips and butt.

I think I've been trying not to notice that I've been gaining weight, consistently for about 10 months.  I don't very weigh often any more because I'm afraid of what numbers I'll see.

I don't write this to get sympathy or because I feel sad.  I write it more of a place of wanting to be honest with you.  There are those of you who read this blog faithfully, and I think I owe it to you to let you know that I am not exactly succeeding at the whole "and not found" part of this blog.  It doesn't mean I've given up. It just means I have to keep trying.

PS I'm heading to Alabama, Mississippi and Georgia the rest of the week, so I may not be regular in posting.  Happy Spring Break!