I've spent much of the last three days feeling sorry for myself over last week's weigh in. Here's how the thoughts typically run:
It's just not fair. >>>>>>> I worked out extra. I ate within my calorie range. I can't work out more. I can't eat less. What am I supposed to do? >>>>>>>What is the point of trying so hard if it's not going to get me anywhere? >>>>>>> Why should I have to live without the food I love, if I'm still not going to make it to 100 pounds? >>>>>>> Why did I give up Diet Pepsi? >>>>>>> I'm just so tired of it all. >>>>>>> Why does my body hate me? It's just not fair.
Maybe what is not fair is saying that my body hates me.* If it does hate me, though, I don't blame it. I did treat it like crap for the better part of 29 years before I started this healthy living kick. So maybe I shouldn't be upset when it takes an extra week to make it to the most monumental weight loss of my lifetime. But it still hurts.
Now I'm leaving for vacation this Friday, where I will not be able to count calories or work out the same way. I'm going to gain while I'm gone, I think that's inevitable. Then it's going to take forever to get back to being within striking distance of my goal. It's Christmas 2010 all over again.
So how did I deal with all these feelings over the weekend? Poorly. I made many bad food choices over the last three days. Clearly, I was not in my best frame of mind, but I was rationalizing it by saying, if I'm not going to lose, than what is the point of being so strict? What's even worse, though, is that I carried the bad food choices forward into a Monday. Mondays are usually my clean slate days where I am super motivated and ready to get back on track. Today, however, I was exhausted from a busy weekend and holding onto my bad mojo.
Does anyone else see a pattern in this blog? I go from entirely motivated and full of gung-ho gumption that I make you, let's face it, just a little sick of me to "woe-is-me"wimpy woman. I wish I could put an end to these cycles, but I don't know what causes them. This time it was the bad weigh-day, but other times it is other triggers.
The best I can do is try to start tomorrow with a positive attitude and some extra energy, so I'm going to bed early tonight.
*Is it weird that I often think of my body and myself as two separate entities? What's more, I don't really see us as on the same team.
Hi Jill,
ReplyDeletefirst I want to say that I've always admired your courage to say things that I know we all feel....I hope that after you wrote your thoughts last night you felt a smidge better, just from getting them out. I'm not going to try to give my opinion of what you should do or how you should get through this...I think that is something we should talk through face to face:) We are way overdue for coffee. I hope you woke up today with your positive attitude and extra energy!
have you gotten any blood-work done lately? your body chemistry may have changed dramatically, and there are several vitamin groups that - if deficient - can cause a drop in energy... which can feel like a loss of motivation. just a thought.
ReplyDeleteknowing your own patterns - knowing that you cycle through motivation and lack-thereof - is a great thing. embrace those low points as important part of the process, of the bigger picture. just don't let it feel like failure, cuz girl, you are anything but!!!!
Uh, no, I haven't had my blood checked in awhile. I will in April, though.
ReplyDelete“If you believe in yourself and have dedication and pride - and never quit, you'll be a winner. The price of victory is high but so are the rewards.”
ReplyDeleteNo one said your goal would be easy. Their will be many hills even mountains that you will have to climb to reach it. You will fall, you will stand still, you will probably cry but if you don't quite you will make it to the top and the reward will be greater and last longer than of your moments of self doubt.