I'm not even sure where to start. The reason I didn't post yesterday is because I'm on a bad streak again. It's hard to write on weeks like this, because I don't feel like I have anything to share, and it's hard to confess my bad habits to you.
On weeks when I'm doing well, I like to pretend that I'm cured, like I've solved the mysteries of weight loss and overeating. The truth is I haven't; it's still a struggle a year and a half later. It seems like I'm on a merry-go-round, and I can't get off. Sometimes my horse is up and sometimes it's down. It must be moving to a beat that I can not hear, because I can be good for two weeks and then horrible for one or another time I might be good for three weeks and then bad for two.
I just want to be normal, where I don't have to count my calories, but I also don't go crazy around baked goods. I have been a cookie monster of late. Not the ones that I baked, but cookies that have appeared in the office.
Maybe it's the idea of the holidays. Maybe it's the treats at the office. Maybe it's the\parties. Maybe it's that I was actually really close to making it to 100 pounds, and I got scared. Maybe it's a little bit of all of these things.
I haven't weighed this week, and I don't think I'm going to on Thursday. It will only be bad news.
On Sunday, I only drank one 8 oz cup of water.
The good news is that I have continued to work out daily. Also, I watched (read: fast forwarded through) the Biggest Loser finale that was last week. I wanted to see how they did, even though I don't watch the show. I was surprised to see that most of the women lost around 70-80 pounds. I don't know how long they had to lose it, and I'm sure it was not very long at all, but it surprised me that I had lost more. It also inspired me to calculate the percentage of my body weight that I have lost. Get ready for this: I have lost 32% of my body weight. That's practically 1/3 of my body that is gone! This blew me away.
So anyway, while I don't want to get too far behind this week, I am taking the week off from counting calories and weighing. It's too hard when I'm this much out of a routine, and I don't want to make myself miserable about food the week of Christmas.
Jill, please don't be miserable. Just like when we struggle to read the Bible faithfully, spend money wisely or do anything in a disciplined manner - IT IS HARD - and I know that God doesn't want us to live in a perpetual state of guilt, no matter how many bad weeks we may have.
ReplyDeleteI love you.
chin up girl, you've come this far and little stumbling blocks won't take that away from you!
ReplyDeleteand even if you aren't calorie counting or making a huge effort this week, i bet at least once a day you'll find yourself making a vastly different choice that one you would have made in the past. and, to me, those little changes in habit, not just the big rules and demands you make of yourself on the short-term, are what makes your story a true success. so... when you think all is lost, tell us about about those little moments when you reached for a peice of fruit instead of heading to the snack machine, or whatever little accomplishments you have. doing good when you're not even "trying" is just as awesome!
i hope i can do just as well in the coming year :) next week, i put the final touches on my plan...
Ditto what Amie said!
ReplyDelete~
whoa 1/3???
ReplyDeletethis time of year is difficult for anyone trying to maintain their weight. You hVe done an amazing job and you are such an inspiration!
ReplyDeleteYou inspire me, Jill.
ReplyDelete