Even though I’ve struggled with my weight for years, I’ve never really been focused on the numbers. I’ve never thought, “Oh, if I could just be X weight, I be the same size I was in college” or "If I could only lose 10 more pounds, I’d be at the weight I was in high school” or something similar.
I hear people talk like that a lot, but I've never really paid attention to how much I weigh and I've certainly never remembered a particular weight for years. It was easier to forget. For 95 percent of my life, I chose not to think about my weight, the problems it could cause or the struggle it would be to get it off. Even when I went through periods of trying to lose I don’t remember what I started at or at what point I eventually gave up.
I feel like that’s one of the things that has changed with me, because now I realize that I do need to pay attention. Not just to the number on the scale, but to how my clothes are fitting, how my lungs are working and how my energy levels are feeling. Because if I don’t pay attention, if I go back to hiding from the numbers, things will go back to the way they were. These pounds were too much trouble to go back and lose all over again.
Eventually, I will be less tied to the scale. Actually, I've kind of already begun to say goodbye. It has less control over me because I'm happy with where I am. Even after I hit my goals, however, I will continue to check in with my scale periodically to make sure I don't go backwards.
I've always been scared of the scale myself;) I dont feel like I've ever truly had an accurate perception of myself, so the scale scares me. I remember, about 5 years ago, I stepped on a scale really randomly, and I was shocked at what it said. I didnt realize I weighed as much as it said I did...it was a shock of reality, and it made me REALLY start to look in the mirror at myself. I feel like I get used to glancing at myself in the mirror, and when you do that, its easy to NOT see how big you really are:( Pictures work the same as a scale to me, in pictures, its clear as day how big you really are...so they can be scary too.......
ReplyDeleteanyway, I dont own a scale right now, but maybe I should, so I could work on my avoidance of it, my avoidance of reality.....because unless you are forced to acknowledge true reality (either by a scale or a picture of yourself), its too easy to keep going in your very own made-up reality.........;) .....(very random stream of consciousness comment, but a comment nonetheless;))----Cindy R
Thanks for commenting, Cindy! I know exactly what you're saying.
ReplyDeleteThis post describes exactly how I approach my financial situation. As if not checking my bank account will somehow keep me from overdrafting. :-/
ReplyDeleteWhat Jess said! : (
ReplyDeleteHooray for Cindy commenting! : )