Featuring Jess Hudgens

My friend, former running partner, fellow Winthrop alum and music video co-star Jess Hudgens is now a professional blogger!

I'm so proud of her.  Not only is she an excellent writer, but she is a deep thinker, which makes her blogs about her recovery from an eating disorder all the more valuable.

You can find her posts here: www.healthyplace.com/blogs/survivinged. Check them out!

TGITT!

I guess because we're all still getting back in the swing of things after the long holiday, but it seems like its been a long week ~ TGITT: Thank Goodness it's Thankful Thursday!

Today I'm thankful:

For early morning workouts that allow me to watch the sun rise over campus from the gym window.

Normally, I would still be sleeping as the sun rose.  But this week I've been up early each day and I really haven't hated it at all. (big-time thankfulness for that!) It's nice not to feel guilty for skipping a workout. Also, I'm glad to get it done and out of the way, so I can do what I want during lunch or after work.  Side bonus: watching the sun rise as I make my loops around the track.

For the return of Downton Abbey and for it not disappointing.

I love this show a ridiculous amount, and while I know a lot of people watch it, no one that I see on a daily basis does.  That means I've had no one to talk with about the GOODNESS of the first episode. That's okay, because another one of my favorite things is describing the plot of the episodes to those who don't watch it (which I've had a couple of opportunities to do).

For the interesting ways I've consumed vegetables this week.

Becoming a herbivore hasn't been too bad either. I did make some really weird dishes this week, like the Creamy Carrot Soup, pictured above.  But I've made several different dishes on the Happy Herbivore plan and only one came out completely disgusting.  Each of her recipes is really easy, and it only makes like two servings, so I haven't gotten bored with what I've been eating.

For my niece Natalie really getting the hang of walking, just in time for our trip to Disney World!

Natalie turns 2 next week and has really been conquering walking the last couple of weeks! Can't wait to travel with her and her family soon to see THE mouse at his own house!

I'm also thankful for funny videos, funny texts, funny pictures.  And having basic things like hot water and heat.  And not-so-basic things that still seem to be overlooked in the thankfulness area like a dishwasher and a refrigerator.  And the amazing York County Library.  Basically, I'm always surprised at how short my thankfulness posts are because there are endless amounts of people and things in my life for me to make me exponentially thankful. But, I suppose, it's a place to start.

So, what are you most thankful for this week?

From the Mouths of Puppets...

Hello!  You're in for a special treat* today!  A vlog entry for you!

It was my first experience shooting a video with my new laptop (possibly the most fun thing I've done this month**) and editing it in iMovie (so cut me some slack!).

Hope you enjoy. Next time, will be even better, I promise.



*I hope you will think it is a special treat and not just nonsense spewed from naked hands.
**besides talking about and promoting this little gem at every turn.

Top 5 Tuesday

My friend, April, and my pastor Talbot both do occasional posts on Tuesdays called Top 5 Tuesday.

I've never done one before, but for as many years as I can remember (which is not nearly as many as it may sound, I have a terrible memory), my cousin Sarah and I have exchanged a list of our Top 5 favorite movies from the previous year, once the new year dawns.

We have different tastes in movies, so we very rarely overlap on our top fives.

Anyway, we did this again last week, so I thought I'd share with you my Top 5 Movies of 2012:

First, Honorable Mentions that didn't make the cut, include: 
Silver Linings Playbook, Looper, The Lucky One


5) Hunger Games
4) Lincoln
3) Perks of Being a Wallflower
2) Les Miserables
1) Pitch Perfect

Pitch Perfect is definitely the BEST movie of the year. If you haven't seen it yet, you should rent it now!

Shake it Out

Update from yesterday - good news! I made several meals last night, and I got up early to walk for an hour before work!

Now about Shake it Out. My little sister turned me on to this song by Florence Henderson and the Machine. She told me about it over Christmas, but I didn't really have a chance to listen to it until I was making my meals yesterday afternoon.

Of course, it was exactly what I needed to hear then, after writing that slight downer of a post yesterday. Don't you just love when that happens?

I love the way the music builds, but I  especially love the line "It's hard to dance, with the devil on your back." I get that.

"Shake It Out"

Regrets collect like old friends

Here to relive your darkest moments

I can see no way, I can see no way

And all of the ghouls come out to play

And every demon wants his pound of flesh

But I like to keep some things to myself

I like to keep my issues drawn

It's always darkest before the dawn

And I've been a fool and I've been blind

I can never leave the past behind

I can see no way, I can see no way

I'm always dragging that horse around

Our love is questioned, such a mournful sound

Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground

So I like to keep my issues drawn

But it's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh whoa

And I am done with my graceless heart

So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart

'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn

It's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh whoa

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back

And given half the chance would I take any of it back

It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone

It's always darkest before the dawn

Oh whoa, oh whoa...

And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't

So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road

And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope

It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat

'Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me

Looking for heaven, found the devil in me

Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me, yeah

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh whoa

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back

So shake him off, oh whoa

Try to Try Again.

When I posted my 2013 goals the other day, there was a suspicious lack of food, fitness, health or weight-related goals. Especially, as I write a blog that is (mostly) about my journey to improve all of these things.

Honestly, 99% of the reason why there weren't any such goals is because I'm afraid of failing.  Again. *

I have wanted to eat healthier and return to exercise, but my arms are full, carrying my fear. It stalks me. I can't put it down. It's my near constant companion, and it talks to me. Sometimes it whispers and sometimes it screams.  It mostly says things like this:

Why try again, just to fail?  
It's easier not to try.
You'll start again tomorrow.
You're too out of shape to start over, so you might as well skip the gym.
What does it matter?

And other things, but mostly along this same line of thinking. And so, when I think about trying to lose weight or eat vegetables or go to the gym, I mostly get sad and decide not to do anything. Which just perpetuates the sadness**

But luckily a number of things have been coming together lately, building up my resolve to try again.

1) I'm going to Disney World in two weeks with my nieces and nephew.*** I've suddenly realized that because I haven't been to the gym in weeks, I've lost any semblance of fitness I once had.  Yesterday I went for a leisurely walk with friends when I realized, if I don't start getting some regular walks in I'm not going to survive at Disney World with an 8-year-old, a 6-year-old and a 2-year-old.  That thought made me sad, until I realized I have the power to affect the change.  I have two weeks to train up and get back into power walking shape.

2) I got this picture for Christmas (the one on the left in the picture).  It's been really making me think about the power of our choices. I may not be able to run a marathon or even a 5k, right now, but I have the power to choose to go for a swim today and a walk tomorrow and start somewhere.

3) A friend from high school, Jennifer, sent me a message telling me about a blog she follows called the Happy Herbivore.  Part of what the blogger does is a meal-planning service, where she will send you a package that includes a seven-day meal plan, a grocery list and recipes for all of the meals throughout the week.  I checked into it, downloaded it for this week, made my grocery store run and I'm about to go cook up some of the meals so I'll be ready for the week.  I am not a herbivore by nature, but I don't mind giving it a try.  The blogger mentioned somewhere that "you'd be surprised by how filling vegetables can be." I'm hoping that's the case.

4) People that I did not know ever read my blog have been telling me that they've been enjoying it and that I've been inspiring them.  It surprises me every time it happens, but it makes me want to keep trying.  Like I just can't let these people down.

5) When I started journaling the other week, I ran across this old entry from 2006 (pictured at right). It's funny-strange (as opposed to funny ha-ha) that I have to keep re-learning this lesson over and over again.

6) A new reader to Lost and Not Found commented on a post from February of 2011 that I wrote about the importance of loving yourself first.  I had forgotten I had written it.  But lately, despite the fear stalking me, I have been thankful and glad that I am who I am. Maybe I'll write a post soon about all the things about me that I think are pretty great****. Stay tuned.

So,  a very long brain-dumping blog for you this evening.  One that begins a bit bleakly, but ends with hope and a promise.  A promise to try to try again.

*It's not like the weight I lost in 2009-2011 and then subsequently gained back and 2012 is the only time this has happened.  I've been fighting against my weight (sometimes succeeding and sometimes failing) for many years.
**You might think, "I just saw Jill last week, and she didn't seem sad. She seemed like her usual peppy self. What is she talking about?" And to that I'd say that I have have many wonderful things going on in my life lately, including friends, family, trip planning and one very funny music video, and I appreciate them all.  However, I just can't seem to shake this one dark cloud, which I can't seem to shake.
***My first reaction to this news was to say, "I'm going to Disney World in two weeks, where I'm sure to get off track, what's the point in starting now?" In the end I've mustered up enough nerve to try again.
****While it may not be considered very humble to list all of the great things about yourself, sometimes, the necessary boost to your self esteem warrants it.

2013 Goals

I realize today is January 4, and that puts me behind in the blogsophere in posting about my New Years Resolutions or Goals.*  I've had the goals listed below in mind for a few weeks, but was hesitant to post them as I was contemplating adding additional fitness, food or weight-loss related goals.

In the end, I've decided not to add anything like that, despite the fact that those are the areas of my life where I need to make significant improvements.  I chose not to add them, partially because I couldn't come up with a healthy, reasonable goal (always in the back of my mind is my life goal to lose 100 pounds, but that's not realistic in one year's time), and partially because I am afraid of failing.**

So, while weight loss is always on mind, here are the personal goals I'd like to tackle this year.

• Read the bible all the way through.
• No explanation necessary.
• Write in a personal journal twice a week.
• While blogging has its merits, there are certain thoughts that you (and by you I mean I) should maybe not share with the whole world, which includes friends, strangers, co-workers and family. I think I could benefit from getting some of these thoughts out of my head and into a concrete place where I can return and review them.  I also have used journals as a form of prayer in the past; writing the prayers help to focus my thoughts and keep me from wandering (or when I do wander, helping me return to where I started eventually)
• Write a snail mail letter once a month.
• I still believe in the power of snail mail.  A card or a note received via the United States Postal Service is a powerful statement to your friends and family saying you love them enough to find a card, take the time to write and then go out and buy a stamp.  I do have more than 12 friends and family members, so I wish I were saying I'd do this once a week, but I just sort of know it won't happen that way. I think once a month is a good place to start.***
• Read five biographies.
• At first I thought I would not set any reading related goals. Obviously, I can read, and I don't feel like I need to challenge myself to read more this year. But after watching Lincoln in theatres (it's great; go see it!),  I was inspired to learn more about the man in the stovepipe**** hat. And that got me thinking, that biographies are a good way to absorb history and expand my reading repertoire. Why five? Well, let's just say I'm a little wary of biographies to begin with, so I don't want to go crazy.  Have you read a really compelling biography? Let me know and I'll add it to my list. (please know that when I say biography I mean biography of a person whom I've heard of, perhaps from history or entertainment or a royal family. I don't mean just a random joe-schmo. No offense to the joe-schmos, just not what I'm feeling)
• Comment consistently on friend's blogs.
• I have a number of friends with blogs or vlogs that I read regularly (and a few strangers, too).  I want to be better about commenting consistently on their blogs, because I know how much I LOVE comments on my blog****** and think that I can do this simple act regularly to send a little love their way. I kind of already started this one.
• Burn a candle more often.
• They're nice. They provide a cozy light and usually a delicious smell.  I have candles. I just never remember to light them. Should be simple.
• Visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando.
• This year I'm going to both Disney World and the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. However, I've already visited and loved Disney World, so I don't feel the need to set it as a "goal" to attain. I have not been to Harry Potter World, so therefore the goal.

In addition to these, I always have the aim to love more, pray more, give more and, therefore, hold material possessions more loosely.  But those aren't the most tangible of goals, just overarching life improvements, I guess.

What about you? Care to share your 2013 stabs at personal improvement?

*I prefer to refer to them as goals. It makes me craft them in a more concrete manner and makes them seem more real to me.

**I hope to be able to blog more about this soon. Haven't been able to form enough concrete words about it yet. 

***I wrote my January snail mail letter and first journal entry last night and my hand is still cramping.  It is so rare that I write anything more than my signature or maybe a short sentence scrawled on some paperwork at work that my hand is out of shape. Thankfully, my handwriting has always been so bad that the lack of practice did not affect the usual standard of readability for which I strive.

****Full confession, I typed stovetop hat, then thought "That doesn't sound right" and had to google "What kind of hat does Abe Lincoln wear?*****" to find that it is actually called a stovepipe hat.  Seriously, WHAT did we do before the internet?  Just remember everything?  Also, I'm ashamed that I, and all my kin, hail from Illinois (AKA the Land of Lincoln) and couldn't remember. If any of them reads this blog and and this accompanying footnote, they may never forgive me.

*****As I typed "what kind of hat does..." Google supplied (I really, really, really love seeing Google try to guess what I'm searching for) the following 2nd halves of my question:
 "what kind of hat does mary poppins wear"
 "what kind of hat does mario wear"
 "what kind of hat does indiana jones wear"
 "what kind of hat does sherlock holmes wear"
 "what kind of hat does raylan givens wear" Then I didn't know who Raylan Givens was, so I had to google him. Apparently, he's a character on a tv show called Justified. He wears a Stetson.

******New Year's Goal or shameless ploy? you be the judge