The Small Signs Add Up

I didn't need to step on the scale today to know that I have continued gaining weight.*

I'm privy to that little nugget because of a million tiny signs that have been blinking on and off at me for weeks now, like some bug zapper in the back yard. I've just been shutting my eyes to avoid witnessing the death of all of those bugs.  Signs like:

• I hate all of my clothes again. Not because of their color or style, but because of how they make me feel. Every day I wish I could just wear sweatpants and t-shirts.
• I breathe a little sigh of relief when I unbutton my pants.
• My legs are rubbing together when I wear skirts. 
• I've been stretching out my t-shirts when I put them on to give me a little breathing room.
• And today, I realized I can't see my collar bone any more. My beloved collar bone.

If any of you have ever been significantly over weight, then perhaps you recognize these signs too.  All of my hard work from two years ago is slipping away, and I'm just letting it go. I'm not writing this for sympathy from you, though it does seem sad. When I write those little signs out like this, they seem not so little any more, but giant, glaring Las Vegas Strip-style signs.

  

Don't be sad for me. I chose this. I know the consequences that come from eating too many meals out and too much chocolate.**  While I've kept up with my workouts and water, that's not enough to combat the evil calories.

So it's time to rededicate myself again.  Tomorrow is another day. And at the end of it, I just want to be able to say:

*But I did, and I have.
**I just love them both so much.