Happy Here

I don't think I had realized quite how much this summer/fall weight gain affected the way I look until I spent Christmas at my parents' house.  The thing you should know about my parents' house is that there are many pictures of me there (and, of course, my three siblings and five nieces and nephews). 

Looking at shots taken just last Christmas or last spring made me realize just how much weight I've put on.  It's a noticeable difference.

But last Christmas and last spring I was still not at my goal of 100 pounds lost. So I was continually trying to lose and not appreciating where I was.  I was upset when stepped on the scale and it didn't go down or when I got off track.  When people said to me, "You've lost weight!" I brushed them off with my standard response, "Oh, I've still got more to lose."  

Now that I'm 30ish pounds heavier than I was then, I wish I had stopped to enjoy it.  I wish I had appreciated a little more of how hard it was to lose those pounds and how grateful I was to be fitting in sizes I hadn't seen since high school.

Speaking of high school, I always felt like the fat girl, but looking back now I realize I was a pretty healthy size.  I wish I hadn't lived life with the self-imposed "fat girl" label, but instead appreciated my body for the unique composition of cells that it was.  

So what lesson am I trying to teach myself today? How to appreciate what I have instead of thirsting for something else.  Yes, I wish I hadn't gained back those 30ish pounds, but I'm still 60ish pounds lighter than I was when I started.  Yes, my pants may be a little tight, but they're still several sizes smaller.