So I wrote yesterday that there was a point when I was questioning why I chose to go on this youth mission trip last week, but what I didn't tell you was what happened to turn it around.
I was just hanging out one night when one of the girls asked me if we could talk. She didn't want anyone to overhear what she had to say, so we decided to take a walk. As soon as we were away from the others she said, "I hate being fat. What can I do about it?"
This took me by complete surprise. This was a very young girl who I did not know very well and who does not know about my weight loss journey (we just recently met). Immediately, though, I knew it wasn't an accident that she decided to tell me about her struggle. She didn't know it, but no one understands being unhappy with their weight more than I do.
Oddly, though, as much as I talk about my own weight loss and healthy living on this blog, I was a little unsure of what to say. She's too young to begin a cycle of dieting; she's really just a kid. So I started by asking why she thinks she is fat. When she responded that she is bigger than the other girls, I tried to remind her that God made each of our bodies differently, and that I think she is beautiful.
That didn't seem to be enough, so I also told her that as she grows, she'll get taller and her weight will likely stay the same, making her look differently. But she kept pressing me about what she could do now to change, so I asked her what she eats and what she does after school. Her food sounded fairly well-balanced, but she doesn't do any activities after school so I suggested going for a walk after school. Talking about it and having this small plan seemed to be enough to make her feel better right then.
This kind of thing is the reason I work with students, girls especially. Self esteem and body issues run rampant in middle and high school girls (and adults too). It's hard to believe you are beautiful and made in God's image when you feel like you look different than the others and the most important thing to you is fitting in. I wish I got to have more frank conversations like this with the girls I work with, but its a difficult subject to have honest conversation about. So for now I remain open to the conversations when they happen, but mostly just a positive and encouraging friend to these beautiful young ladies the rest of the time.
Body-related self esteem issues suck.
What a terrific story, Jill. I feel like I say these things a TON to the ladies in my youth group, so much that I wonder if begins to sound like the Charlie Brown adult voice.
ReplyDeleteBut, your post reminds me that it's important to say these things...and to praise those students for a whole host of wonderful qualities they have (their energy, humor, big hearts, unique spins on the Gospel, intelligence, etc.).
I know there are men out there who develop eating disorders, but the fact is that they affect so many more women than men that it makes me wonder if low self-esteem is a "girl thing." I've never met a woman -- skinny, fat, or average -- who hasn't hated her body at some point or another. Which makes me sad not just because I do it myself, but because God gave us our bodies to do amazing things with. And how much time, I wonder, do we waste hating how those bodies look instead of celebrating what they can do?
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