Skeered

Last week when I wrote this post, I had come off a great couple weeks of running.  And I was looking to continue it.  So even though I knew I had a crazy busy week coming up, I took time to schedule my running workouts for the coming week and was confident I would follow through.

See, I knew that Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I would have absolutely no time to run and probably very little energy.  So, being a proactive sort, I decided I would run Sunday, Thursday and Saturday to still get in three workouts for the week.

Sunday, I completed day one of week five of my C25K program.  I was on track with my plan.  Then Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday hit and I lost all motivation.  To say those three days were busy is an understatement.  They were physically exhausting, as I spent about 10-12 hours each day on my feet and "running"* to and fro.  They were also mentally exhausting and stressful.

Thursday and Friday came and went without running.  I was tired and still a residual sort of busy.  Saturday and Sunday came and I was just plain lazy, so they also went without running.  I felt guilty for not running, but not enough to tie on some shoes, apparently.

But today is Monday. The great "day to get it back on track;" a clean slate.  And yet I didn't run again.
I have no excuses for my behavior today. I was well rested, recovered from my busy week last week.  I did have a lot going on at work, but that's the norm.  Everything I was doing could've waited while I took a gym-lunch break. But I didn't.

I know what it is.  I'm skeeered. I'm afraid of going out there and not being able to do it.  Of losing stamina and mental strength that I've been building up (slowly) this fall. I'm not sure what else, but I do know I'm afraid.

It sounds stupid, but it's the truth. I'd love to pick up with my week five workouts tomorrow. My gym bag is already packed.  But honestly, I don't know if I will. I thought that writing this post would make me feel silly enough about these thoughts that I'd be charged up to run tomorrow.  That's not the case.  I guess I'll just have to see what tomorrow brings.

*I use the term "running" here loosely. I was wearing sneakers and did occasionally move at higher than typical speeds, but it should probably be more accurately described as "walking with a purpose."

Singin' and Runnin'

I have been really happy lately.
Like unexpectedly, out of nowhere happy.

Not that I was necessarily unhappy before. But you know, you're living life day to day and life is good, it's fine, but maybe not sunshine-bursting-out-of-you-happiness.

Anyway, I've been thinking about where are all of this happiness is coming from, and I'm blaming two things: singing and running.

I joined the choir at my church last month. I can not explain how much I love singing with this group. Clearly, I've always loved to sing, but this is more than that. Maybe it's partly because it's challenging, partly because it's a beautiful blending of the different voices, partly because it's in praise of the King of Majesty, and partly because it's just fun. I'm not sure why I never joined before, except that I maybe thought choir was for old people. No more of that nonsense thinking. Just happiness and singing.

Second, I've been back on track with running for almost three weeks now. After taking most of the summer off from running and then struggling to stick with my running work outs for a month or two, it feels good to be back. If you've ever read this blog before you might remember that I have sort of a love-hate relationship with running. Let me assure you that putting running as one of the reasons for my bursting happiness does NOT mean that I now love running. On the contrary, I still dread each run, and it is still hard, physically and mentally, for me. Almost every step I take, I'm convincing or tricking myself into continuing to run. But I've been really lucky (?) the last three weeks in that I have completed each work out exactly when I've set out to do it exactly how I've meant to do it. And that sense of accomplishment, combined with the endorphins released while running, have been contributing factors to the happiness.

So that's my current recipe for happiness. What's been making you happy lately?

Bloggity Updates

So, the blog is back!

Sort-of. Let me explain.

I can't really explain why I stopped blogging in the first place. Lots of reasons I guess. I put a lot of pressure on myself to update regularly, and that both took a lot of time and became difficult to continue to come up with new, relevant topics.

But also, to be honest, I wasn't doing so hot at the weight loss journey that I built the blog on and didn't feel like I could continue to spout "wisdom" that I wasn't following. Right? No fakers, please.

There have been a few times that I've missed the blog as a means of expression, and lots of times that I've missed your comments. I realize now that removing the url from the web may have been a bit drastic.

So, the blog is back with a few changes. I will not be updating regularly, just when the mood strikes.  It may not be often.  Also, I will be writing about whatever strikes my fancy, it may not, and actually probably won't, be weight loss related.

I hope you can live with that.  Talk to you again soon.


PS Two things I am in love with right now in pop culture: 
1) The movie, Pitch Perfect. I laughed a lot and continue to laugh about it over a week later. 
2) The tv show, The Mindy Project. I want to be friends with her.

Life is Good!

Have you ever been so full of joy, diet coke and lawn-maintenance-induced-exercise-endorphins that you want to shout it from the rooftops?  No? That's just me? Okay, I can deal with that.

After an exceedingly stressful beginning of June, the last couple of weeks have been so rosy they could almost be deemed "maroon." Let me count the ways* (roughly in chronological order).

• I love wine bottle (or tequila bottle) torches.  Aren't they beautiful?

• I finally made it to see my friend Glenda's baby for the first time since he was born. He was beyond adorable at four months.  See photographic evidence below.

Look at happy Spencer and happy Glenda!

• Some of the stress from the beginning of June was due to a two-day photo shoot I was organizing at work.  Turns out, all of the hard work I put in to organize it paid off as it went off exceedingly well.
• They opened one of those self-serve frozen yogurt stores in my neighborhood.  Ours is called Orange Leaf and I love it a lot.
• I spent one full day floating in the waves laughing with two immeasurably great friends while the sun watched over us. We got great color.

These are my friends. We laugh a lot when we are together. So much.

• I started reading Gone with the Wind for the 2nd time. I'm alternating between loving and hating Scarlett O'Hara, but either way she is a very rich character.
• I've seen bunches of movies lately, some good (Lucky One by Nicholas Sparks was better than expected thanks to love-of-my-life Zac Effron) and some not so good (Seeking a Friend for the End of the World...more like Seeking a Friend to Rescue Me from this Movie Theatre)
• I re-arranged my bedroom.  My proclivity for this activity is inherited from my mother, if you're wondering.
• I registered for the Charlotte COLOR RUN.  More on this later. 
• I watched my best friend consume a hot dog in three bites.  I giffed it for her and she could sit and watch the gif for days.  Now you can too.  Although, I realize it is exceeding large, here. I have no idea how I did that.

• I went to Atlanta with my friends, the fives, and saw my beautiful and funny friend Taylor.  We basically laughed all weekend.  We are very funny people.
• I reconnected with my youth by going to the Braves game.  I was such a huge Braves fan between 1994 and 2002.  I had almost forgotten how fun it is to cheer on the bravos and yell out baseball-y things from the bleachers.

The Fives at the Braves

• As a bonus, I got to see my mom, dad and 4-year-old niece while I was in ATL. Caitlin entertained me by telling me about the beautiful wedding dress and crown she gets to wear when she's in another aunt's wedding in a few weeks. She then informed me she would be wearing the wedding dress so she could marry her cousin Jack (the ring bearer). She may be slightly confused about what exactly is going down that day.
• I went to this sunflower field. Sunflowers make me happy.  I'm hoping to take others to the field to introduce them to the happy sunflowers tomorrow and this weekend.  Showing sunflowers to others makes me even happier.

I TOOK THIS PICTURE! THESE SUNFLOWERS ARE HUGE!

• PERHAPS ONE OF THE MOST EXCITING THINGS: I released this video.  I love it, mostly because I love my way-more-talented-than-me co-stars, Luis and Cara.  We're trying to make it go viral, so feel free to watch it again once more (or a thousand times more).Or share it with your friends, family, neighbors and any small children you know (small children seem to especially love it). I actually spend a lot of time thinking about how to get more people to watch it. When I'm not thinking about that, I'm thinking about what song we should do next. So if you've seen me the last few days or in the next couple of days, just know I may be talking to you about something else, but I'm actually only thinking about this video. Fair disclosure.

• We got our pictures back from the photographer (these are the pictures from the photo shoot mentioned in the first bullet), and they are so beautiful and they make me fall in love with my school all over again. I'm proud of the pictures, and I'm proud of my campus.
• All S.C. state employees are getting a raise this month!  Our first cost-of-living raise in years!
• I HAD A DAY OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WEEK. Glorious.

I saw no fireworks today, but I'm not concerned by that. My philosophy when it comes to fireworks is, if you've seen one, you've seen them all.  I know some people get really excited about fireworks, so I hope I've stepped on no toes. I'm not anti-fireworks like I am anti-Olympics. I just don't have to see fireworks on a hot and steamy July night.

What's been great in your life lately?  And, perhaps even more important HOW GREAT IS OUR CALL ME MAYBE VIDEO??????**



*two things you should know about me. I love lists and abbreviations. Bunches.
**I'm sorry for shouting so much in this post.  It's all that joy, endorphins from lawn care and diet coke. 

Call Me, Maybe?

In my absence from blogging, I have been keeping up with some creative outlets...including being part of a Call Me Maybe video!  You may have seen a Call Me Maybe video before, or maybe not, but either way, you won't want to miss this one.




Thanks to my co-stars Luis and Cara, plus Elvi for her behind the scenes work!

I hope you enjoy it.  Feel free to share with your friends!

I'm Still Alive

Thanks to all those who asked after the blog in its absence. Your thoughts are appreciated.

I wanted to write this post, because I'm going to continue to take time off from blogging, but I don't want my last post about The Rules, to sit up there forever. It wasn't a particularly insightful or helpful.

I have enjoyed being a non-blogger again. I had many reasons for taking my break and actually when I started this post four sentences ago, I thought I was going to use this chance to explain those reasons to you in detail.  Then I realized that's probably not all that interesting, and you don't really need to know. Your lives will not be affected by me going into detail on why I'm taking a break from blogging.

I do, however, want you to know that I'm not using the break from blogging as an excuse to go crazy with my eating habits or give up exercising completely.  I'm still monitoring what I eat and exercising regularly, though perhaps not quite as frequently as I have at times in the past.

But here it's been nearly a month since my last post, and I think if I were still writing daily it would be more of the same thoughts that I've been regurgitating regularly on the blog over the past two years. (i.e. running is hard. I love ice cream; but I wish I loved vegetables so eating healthy would be easy, etc.)

FYI: I decided not to do the tri I was eyeing in June (it was last weekend), because my running has been slim to non-existent lately. I think it's getting to hot for it lately.  I'm still considering a late summer one, but not if I don't get my running but in gear.

So all that to say, I'm doing well, and I miss you guys (and I'm glad you've missed me).  I'm not back to regular scheduled blog mode, but I will check in here from time to time.  I think I just want to enjoy living life, rather than blogging about it.  I also want to make sure that when I blog, I've got something worth saying.

The Rules

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you've noticed that I have a set of rules that I follow when I am "on track."

They include:

• No breakfast at fast food places.
• No eating out on weekdays.
• Three liters of water a day.
• No more than two diet cokes a day.
• Exercise 5-6 days a week.
• A daily calorie intake that concurs with my desire to lose weight (the actual number varied)

In the past, having these rules worked well for me. They gave me boundaries. When I stuck to them, I lost weight.

However, having these rules has drawn sharp lines in my life.  I'm either succeeding, when I'm following the rules, or failing, when not following the rules.  Success leads to feeling confident, in control, happy.  Failure, well, failure sucks.

How did my confidence and my happy become about whether I follow a few rules that I set for myself? Why did I draw these lines in the sand?

I realize I need to lose weight and that I set these rules to help me with that.  But they've become too all-important.  So now I'm going back to the drawing board to figure out what being healthy is all about.  And I'm thinking it's going to more than just a set of stupid rules that I find hard to follow.  I'll let you know when I figure it out.