Skeered

Last week when I wrote this post, I had come off a great couple weeks of running.  And I was looking to continue it.  So even though I knew I had a crazy busy week coming up, I took time to schedule my running workouts for the coming week and was confident I would follow through.

See, I knew that Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I would have absolutely no time to run and probably very little energy.  So, being a proactive sort, I decided I would run Sunday, Thursday and Saturday to still get in three workouts for the week.

Sunday, I completed day one of week five of my C25K program.  I was on track with my plan.  Then Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday hit and I lost all motivation.  To say those three days were busy is an understatement.  They were physically exhausting, as I spent about 10-12 hours each day on my feet and "running"* to and fro.  They were also mentally exhausting and stressful.

Thursday and Friday came and went without running.  I was tired and still a residual sort of busy.  Saturday and Sunday came and I was just plain lazy, so they also went without running.  I felt guilty for not running, but not enough to tie on some shoes, apparently.

But today is Monday. The great "day to get it back on track;" a clean slate.  And yet I didn't run again.
I have no excuses for my behavior today. I was well rested, recovered from my busy week last week.  I did have a lot going on at work, but that's the norm.  Everything I was doing could've waited while I took a gym-lunch break. But I didn't.

I know what it is.  I'm skeeered. I'm afraid of going out there and not being able to do it.  Of losing stamina and mental strength that I've been building up (slowly) this fall. I'm not sure what else, but I do know I'm afraid.

It sounds stupid, but it's the truth. I'd love to pick up with my week five workouts tomorrow. My gym bag is already packed.  But honestly, I don't know if I will. I thought that writing this post would make me feel silly enough about these thoughts that I'd be charged up to run tomorrow.  That's not the case.  I guess I'll just have to see what tomorrow brings.

*I use the term "running" here loosely. I was wearing sneakers and did occasionally move at higher than typical speeds, but it should probably be more accurately described as "walking with a purpose."