If you've ever read this blog before, you know that I have an up and down relationship with eating right. I do it for awhile, see some success on the scale, eventually go back to eating unhealthily and in excess, gain weight, etc. Each time this happens I feel like a failure. Then inevitably, after varying periods of eating junk, I have to "re-boot" or "re-start" my healthy eating. This gets harder and harder to do. During this period of eating junk and then trying to convince myself to get back on track, there's a lot of self-doubt, fear and basically not nice things that fly around in my head. It would be easier to just give up. If I stop trying then I can't fail, right? I always think of Evelyn Couch in Fried Green Tomatoes, when she said "I wish I had the courage to get it over with and get really fat."
Unfortunately, not trying isn't really an option. Because if I'm not trying to lose weight then I am basically gaining weight - mostly due to the delicious but unhealthy food that I'm eating. And my family has a history of diabetes and heart disease, things I don't want to deal with personally. And when you are overweight like I am, finding clothes that fit and don't look dowdy is hard. Etc. Etc. Bottom line is I need to lose weight.
I had the realization a couple of weeks ago, that I feel better when I'm eating as planned simply because I'm at least trying to do something about my weight. I may not have lost 100 pounds yet, but at least I'm working toward the goal. Even though it seems easier when I'm off plan to just continue eating whatever I want (which is always the bad stuff), it makes me feel kind of miserable emotionally because I feel stuck at this unhealthy weight.
So these are things I know to be true, but it doesn't mean this whole healthy eating thing is smooth sailing. It's hard to deny cravings and keep trying. But keep trying, I must.
Wow, I just put a lot of crazy out there for public consumption. Please be gentle in your response.
TAWANDA!
ReplyDelete~
Thank you for posting so honestly. You are my weight loss role model! I tell myself often 'if Jill can do it, I can too' (even though I have a long, long way to go). Thank you! Keep rocking it, girl.
ReplyDeleteI feel like it would be so much easier if everyone around you and the whole world in general was working towards the same goals you are: health and fitness. Just like it's easier to be brave or kind when you have other people around you showing how to be brave and kind.
ReplyDeleteAnyway. I'm glad you keep trying. Love you.
I've found the same thing about eating plans - even though it seems easier to just "wing it," it's nice to have the structure and the knowledge that I am doing something good for myself. In my counseling classes, we talk a lot about the concept of "self-care." And balanced nutrition comes up again and again in that conversation. Eating well just makes you feel better. There's all kinds of science-y stuff, really.
ReplyDeleteKeep it up, friend! :)