It was a great week and half of WW.
I was doing well, eating healthier, but not totally going cold turkey on higher fat foods I love. I was extremely happy and felt good about working towards a goal again.
Then something happened last Thursday, and I lost all ability to stick to the plan. I was extremely hungry that day. You know, one of those "hollow days" where no matter what you eat you feel like a bottomless pit.
I rode it out okay on Thursday. I had eggs and turkey sausage for dinner and that helped fill me up and stay within my points for the day.
But Friday was another "hollow day," combined with stress city, and suddenly I was done trying. I got donuts for breakfast, which is never, ever a good solution because you can never fit them in with whatever calorie- or points-counting diet you're doing. (Plus, I can hear my mom now, "Stop eating donuts, you don't want diabetes!" which is true, I don't want diabetes.) I made it through the day okay, but when I got home I had Kraft Macaroni and Cheese for dinner, to feed my bad mood. I told myself that it was better than going out for fast food, which is true, but it just doesn't work well with your points values when you had donuts for breakfast. Then later I had wine and chocolate cake at a friend's house.*
Saturday, I made it most of the day okay, until I got really hungry in the afternoon and had nothing good to snack on (I hadn't been to the grocery store this week yet) so I ate peanut butter straight out of the jar**. After that I was disappointed in myself and went to Zaxby's for dinner, which does not fix things, it just added lots of points onto lots of points.
By Sunday, I was disappointed in myself and irritated with food. I ate all three meals at restaurants, including donuts for breakfast again (aack!). It should be noted that I did haul myself to the grocery store to replenish healthy things in my fridge and make a meal and a snack for the week.
At no point over this 3-4 day slide did I exercise, which would be a healthy move and give me extra points for eating. I've also been neglecting my water intake.
Today I weighed in, and I had gained a pound.***
Of course I did with a weekend that looked like that.
Today, I stopped at BoJangles for breakfast because I had kind of overslept.**** I stuck with the lunch I brought, but swerved for a Little Caesar's pizza on the way home. That was not in the plan.
The bad thing is WW has a plan for you to be able to splurge. You're given your regular daily points, but you're also give 49 weekly points to use as you see fit. During this slide, I flew through that allotment.
I'm sad by how quickly I was able to fall off track, which makes me not want to work hard. I don't want to try really hard for a time just to give up and gain it all back. I mean, isn't that what happened after TWO YEARS of trying hard? I just gained it all stinking back.
This is probably too many words and you've stopped reading, but this is my thoughts. I want to be better at documenting the highs and the lows, as I think in the past I've shied away from blogging about the hard times. You know, it just makes one feel too vulnerable. Bleh. Who wants to be vulnerable? Anyway, I probably should've written this post earlier and maybe it would've helped me subjugate the slide a little faster. Also, then it would've been shorter.
Thoughts?
*It should be noted that I helped my own self to the wine and chocolate cake, knowing full-well that I had no points left for the day. It was in no way forced upon me by said friends.
**I had responsibly added peanut butter back into my diet sometime earlier this year, with the strict rule to never eat it straight from the jar, ESPECIALLY WHILE SITTING ON THE COUCH WATCHING TV. Until Saturday, I had adhered to both of those rules.
***Last Monday, my first official weigh-in with WW showed that I had lost 6.5 pounds in one week. That large amount of weight can be typical with your first week back on track, I've observed.
****I don't ever oversleep. I wake up between 6:30 and 7 every day. But sometimes (pretty rarely) I refuse to get out of bed, where it is warm and comfortable and start my day. Today was one of those days.
I'm proud of you for being willing to make yourself vulnerable by documenting the highs AND lows of this journey. It's the struggle and hard work and determination and falling on and off the wagon time and again that make the story something beautiful. If you get to point A to point B with no trouble, it's a rather boring story, and you lose the ability to empathize with and help people who also struggle.
ReplyDeleteI also thought that your statement about blogging earlier in "the slide" to perhaps shorten it was very insightful. In treatment, we learned to do "behaviour chain analyses" which is basically just a very fancy term for retracing your steps (like you've done here) to when you first became at risk for using a behaviour. It also allows you to look at points where you could have intervened so you're aware of them next time. I'd encourage you to take this entry, print it out, write out all the emotions that went along with each of these steps and brainstorm ways that you can make "the slide" into a much shorter "slip" next time.
You're awesome and I am so freaking proud of you!
Oh peanut butter.
ReplyDeleteI go through weeks and weeks of eating fast food. And then I go weeks and weeks not needing to eat it. I don't know the triggers or reasons for either. (Actually, I think it is all hormones. blech. And thinking that makes me feel like it is almost completely out of my control. Frustrating.)
I guess the only solution is just to try again. Try, try again.
Love you.
With any game plan to lose weight/start exercising, you will have good and bad days. I think having someone that you can pick up the phone and call as soon as you feel yourself slipping is a good idea. I know i have a good friend and we have constantly used each other for that type of support. It's comparable to being talked off a ledge. But I know that if i'm going down the slippery slope - i can pick up the phone and admit my wrong-doings to my friend and she will listen and give me encouragement to get it together. And sometimes, that helps me keep focused on what my true goals are.
ReplyDeleteBut remember what you said yourself - you can't give up just because you make a mistake. And you can't hold yourself to this crazy expectation that every single day you'll be 100% perfect because that is not real life. Real life is about balance! I know it's a lot easier to say these things than to do them. Just know that you have lots of people cheering you on! You got this!
You can reduce the amount of extra points so you won't be able to slide so much.
ReplyDelete