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| This is my standard running picture. It is from last year. I may need someone to take an actual picture of me running someday, but I'm sure I will hate it. |
On Sunday, I did the aforementioned two miles. On Monday* I got to step back a bit with a five minute run, followed by a three minute walk, another 8 minute run and a three minute walk and a second five minute run. This was easier mentally, but was still tough physically. I added in an extra walk break and extended one walk break, but I still got the run distance in. Today I'm scheduled to run one mile, walk 1/4 mile, and run a second mile.
So, why am I nervous about running? It's because each time I go out, I'm capable of quitting. I could cut the workout short or fudge a bit on the numbers. I might start thinking it's too hard or too far and give up. The fact that it is so easy to quit makes it scary.
Really, though, what's the worst that could happen? I could give up midway through and go home. That would suck, but it just means I get a repeat shot at these same two miles the next time I run, on Friday. The best that I can do is try my hardest, believe in myself and stick with a steady pace for the two miles. This would give me even more confidence the next time I go out. A compromise scenario would mean that I have to add in an additional walking portion or just extend the existing walking portion, but still complete the run distance. That worked out just fine for me on Sunday and Monday, even if it's not perfect.
As I'm writing this, I realize it sounds silly and as my Granny wrote in a letter to me this week, that I'm too hard on myself. But, hey, it is a real feeling, and I thought I'd share it with you. Do you think it's silly or does something about it ring true to you too?
Thanks for reading, and I'll let you know how I do.
*I normally warn people not to try to run two days in a row, because it is hard on your legs and joints and can lead to injury. I have actually never ever run back to back, until this week, which I needed to do to get in my required three runs last week and three runs this week, because of some funky scheduling. However, the reason Monday's run was tough physically was because I was still a bit stiff from the day before.
wow....I dont think I've had words resonate with me this deeply with me in a WHILE......"It's because each time I go out, I'm capable of quitting...I might start thinking it's too hard or too far and give up. The fact that it is so easy to quit makes it scary."
ReplyDeleteFor me, I think I'm scared by it being so easy to quit becuase I dont trust myself that I'm actually able to do it... I already feel like a "poser" when I tell people I run and they look at my physique and are like "um yeah sure" and then sometimes I dont feel like when I run that I LOOK like a natural runner. I find myself thinking about that the majority of my run, wondering how I look.. Also, there arent many things that I've committed to doing, or stop doing, in my life that I"ve actually succeeded at for too long, so "each time I go out, I'm capable of quitting". That is NOT good for my mentality of trying to run, and I'm actually trying to tell myself more and more that i DONT have the option of quitting. Then all of a sudden my legs have stopped running and there I am right in the middle of "quit"....then I start running again but find it harder and harder to keep going. The times I'm able to go the FULL distance I've planned without walking even once are actually the best/easiest times. Maybe because I didnt let my legs enjoy even the least little bit of walking, letting my resolve slip, my heart rate slow down, making it harder to start back up......All in all Jill thanks for this post. You articulated something I think I've been feeling but have been unable to put words too, so now its time to break through those unhealthy thoughts;)
And this is part of why we are great running buddies.
DeleteI remember being nervous about starting my runs too back when I was doing the couch to 5k program. I felt scared to start because I knew once I did, then i couldn't really stop running until I was finished because it would be allowing myself to quit. I read somewhere that the biggest challenge of running is the conversation with yourself in your head during the run. You have to beat yourself, and sometimes we are our own worst enemies. I think using the nervous energy to fuel your determination to do your very best every time is a good place to start.
ReplyDeleteI know some avid long distance runners who say that sometimes they just couldn't even get past the first mile .Sometimes you just have off days. But the most important thing is that you don't let that stop you from moving forward the next time. You got this!