Unfair?

I've spent much of the last three days feeling sorry for myself over last week's weigh in.  Here's how the thoughts typically run:

It's just not fair. >>>>>>> I worked out extra. I ate within my calorie range. I can't work out more. I can't eat less. What am I supposed to do? >>>>>>>What is the point of trying so hard if it's not going to get me anywhere? >>>>>>> Why should I have to live without the food I love, if I'm still not going to make it to 100 pounds? >>>>>>> Why did I give up Diet Pepsi? >>>>>>> I'm just so tired of it all. >>>>>>>  Why does my body hate me? It's just not fair.

Maybe what is not fair is saying that my body hates me.*  If it does hate me, though, I don't blame it.  I did treat it like crap for the better part of 29 years before I started this healthy living kick.  So maybe I shouldn't be upset when it takes an extra week to make it to the most monumental weight loss of my lifetime.  But it still hurts.

Now I'm leaving for vacation this Friday, where I will not be able to count calories or work out the same way. I'm going to gain while I'm gone, I think that's inevitable. Then it's going to take forever to get back to being within striking distance of my goal. It's Christmas 2010 all over again.

So how did I deal with all these feelings over the weekend? Poorly.  I made many bad food choices over the last three days. Clearly, I was not in my best frame of mind, but I was rationalizing it by saying, if I'm not going to lose, than what is the point of being so strict? What's even worse, though, is that I carried the bad food choices forward into a Monday. Mondays are usually my clean slate days where I am super motivated and ready to get back on track. Today, however, I was exhausted from a busy weekend and holding onto my bad mojo.

Does anyone else see a pattern in this blog? I go from entirely motivated and full of gung-ho gumption that I make you, let's face it, just a little sick of me to "woe-is-me"wimpy woman.  I wish I could put an end to these cycles, but I don't know what causes them. This time it was the bad weigh-day, but other times it is other triggers.

The best I can do is try to start tomorrow with a positive attitude and some extra energy, so I'm going to bed early tonight.

*Is it weird that I often think of my body and myself as two separate entities?  What's more, I don't really see us as on the same team.