Because I'm Happy...and Brave

In a blog a few weeks ago, I mentioned how I needed to make a dance party play list (I've since taken care of that business).  What I didn't mention was the "selfspirational" playlist I had already started.

It's growing slowly, because I'm only putting songs on there that truly make me feel like I can do anything or will give my mood a complete 180 on bad days, but it's quality stuff.

Here are my two favorites right now.
(by co-inky-dink they are both on the selfspirational playlist and the dance party play list):

Brave by Sara Bareilles
I read an article about this song right before the Grammys (she was nominated for album of the year) that mentioned the video was directed by Rashida Jones, which intrigued me, so I looked it up.  I've been hooked ever since.  The song has a great message and a good beat, but the random people dancing in random places in the video is probably the biggest part of why I fell in love with it. I would love to do my own version as tribute, and I often listen to it on repeat when I'm driving, planning my moves, costumes and locations.
(Let me say that just because I'm planning the video, does not mean it will ever happen. It's just fun to think about.)


Happy by Pharrell Williams
I've only known of this song for six days, but already I have jammed out to it more times that I can count. Just try and listen to it without busting a groove. Impossible.  Now the funny thing is that I looked up the video just tonight for this blog and found it also features random people dancing in random places.  Let me tell you, Pharrell and Sara know the way to my heart.  Enjoy and dance it out.

Try, try again

I think the most prevalent lesson that's being hammered into me lately is to keep on trying.
If you've ever read this blog before, you know that I have an up and down relationship with eating right.  I do it for awhile, see some success on the scale, eventually go back to eating unhealthily and in excess, gain weight, etc.  Each time this happens I feel like a failure.  Then inevitably, after varying periods of eating junk, I have to "re-boot" or "re-start" my healthy eating.  This gets harder and harder to do.

During this period of eating junk and then trying to convince myself to get back on track, there's a lot of self-doubt, fear and basically not nice things that fly around in my head. It would be easier to just give up.  If I stop trying then I can't fail, right? I always think of Evelyn Couch in Fried Green Tomatoes, when she said "I wish I had the courage to get it over with and get really fat."

Unfortunately, not trying isn't really an option. Because if I'm not trying to lose weight then I am basically gaining weight - mostly due to the delicious but unhealthy food that I'm eating.  And my family has a history of diabetes and heart disease, things I don't want to deal with personally.  And when you are overweight like I am, finding clothes that fit and don't look dowdy is hard.  Etc. Etc.  Bottom line is I need to lose weight.

I had the realization a couple of weeks ago, that I feel better when I'm eating as planned simply because I'm at least trying to do something about my weight. I may not have lost 100 pounds yet, but at least I'm working toward the goal. Even though it seems easier when I'm off plan to just continue eating whatever I want (which is always the bad stuff), it makes me feel kind of miserable emotionally because I feel stuck at this unhealthy weight.

So these are things I know to be true, but it doesn't mean this whole healthy eating thing is smooth sailing. It's hard to deny cravings and keep trying.  But keep trying, I must.

Wow, I just put a lot of crazy out there for public consumption.  Please be gentle in your response.