Motivation

*Photo courtesy of my friend Stefanie who found it on the world wide web.

Today=One Good Day

I feel like a lot of my posts have been mopey lately.  I don't mean to be like that! So today, I thought I'd chronicle today's little successes.

a) I finished my book last night so I was in a good mood and not angry about being forced to work and workout instead of read.

b) I ate my cereal with strawberries and almond milk (yum!) for breakfast, without even the thought of stopping to get BoJangles on the way to work. (When I'm not in such a good mood, this can be a regular battle).

c) I drank an entire water bottle before lunch. (When I was on a dieting streak I would have two water bottles full of water before lunch, but lately, I've been slacking in that area.)

d) I went running at lunch and completed the entire workout, which included just under 4 miles in 40 minutes of running. The weather was wonderful and the neighborhood I ran in was beautiful. I kept crossing paths with a garbage truck, and I didn't even mind because it made me laugh. Also, this is the first time I've completed that particular workout and it was hard, but felt good when I was done.

e) I ate the delicious lunch that I brought yesterday but didn't eat then because I didn't think it would be delicious. But it was. Delicious, I mean.  It was an apple salad and involved a lot of crunching and had some great flavors.

f) I came home and ate the delicious dinner that I had prepared on Sunday afternoon.

g) It is 8:08 p.m. I think I will be successfully avoiding after-dinner snacks tonight.

h) I had 5 servings of fruits and veggies today, the recommended amount of water and ate within my calorie range. 

i) While I did help myself to a few spoonfuls of the M&Ms and peanut mix on a co-worker's desk, I didn't overdo it and I did not eat one of my planned snacks in order to compensate. 

What did you do (or not do) today that makes you proud? Let us know!

Me,You? You, Me?

I don't know if you know this, but swimming laps is an excellent way to think.   I write wonderful blogs in my head when it is lap swimming day (which today was), but unfortunately there is not a computer in the pool with me or even a recording device of any sort for me to get all this gold on paper.

Today I was thinking about the purpose of this blog.  Should I be writing it for me, or should I be writing it for you?  Should I be writing it to help me sort through my thoughts and achieve my goals or should I be writing it to help out those who are where I was a year ago?
 
When I started it, I was full of grand wisdom and self-importance and thought that I had so much to share. I was thinking that I've accomplished so much that I could help others do the same.  The more I think about it, however, I realize that all of my tips and tricks aren't really anything special.  You could find similar things in a hundred different web sites or magazine articles, and just because they worked for me does not mean that they are the best solutions to your problems.

I also thought about the comments I've gotten and the stats Blogger gives me. As near as I can tell, only about five people read the blog regularly.  These people are my "biggest fans" and not necessarily interested in weight loss/healthy eating.  

Add to this the fact that I've continued to be unable to make any progress towards my goal of losing 100 pounds.  I've held steady at 84 pounds lost since I started writing.  I think partially I've hit a wall or a plateau with weight loss (and really, luckily, my first really bad one since I started losing) and partially I haven't been as "good" as I could have been when it comes to eating right.

So, I guess at the end of my 40-minute swim I came to the conclusion that maybe the blog should be more for me.  Clearly, I still have some food issues to work through (read: I'm crazy).  I may have lost 84 pounds, but I'm nowhere close to perfect and this plateau has me second guessing how I ever got this far. As I work through my neurosis via the world wide web, however, I still hope that my journey may provide some motivation for you to do something, even if it has nothing to do with weight loss or healthy living. We'll see how that goes.

Quick note: All I wanted to do today was read. I intentionally left my book at home so that I wouldn't skip my lunchtime workout in favor of reading and it put me in a really bad mood all morning.  Despite a bunch of excuses that bad-mood me came up with, I still went to the gym, and let me tell you, it AMAZES me at what a difference that lunch time workout makes. The minute I stepped into the locker room I was in a better mood, and at the end of the workout, I had forgotten why I was mad.  That is all. I'm going to read now.

Huge

So this summer, I watched the television show, “Huge” on ABC Family.  It was an hour-long dramedy about a bunch of teenagers at fat camp. I really enjoyed the show.  They featured actors who were actually overweight as the stars of the show. They explored a lot of topics that are big and scary like eating disorders, being comfortable in your own skin, having the courage to change yourself, etc.  A lot of it hit home with me, but particularly some things were said during an episode where self-sabotage was the theme.

The camp counselor, who is thin but who has struggled with food issues in the past and now attends Overeaters Anonymous, warns the campers about self sabotage. She says something about how making progress toward a goal is great, but there is often a side of ourselves that doesn’t want us to succeed, a part that is comfortable with ourselves and the campers have to guard against that.

Wow, that’s something that make you stop and think. Yeah, there are times when I mess up or get off track, but I have always chalked it up to a love of food.  Was it possible that these mistakes were my subconscious, eager for me to fail? Do I want to remain overweight so that I have an excuse for things not going my way? Am I afraid that by losing the extra weight that I have carried most of my life, I might lose a part of who I am?

The answer is, I think so.  Maybe self-sabotage is not the culprit every time I overeat, but making such a big life change is a scary thing.  I like who I am, and a gut reaction to changing who I am is “I don’t wanna.”  But after some analysis, is changing really a bad thing?  I’ve already changed a lot of behaviors, but essentially, I think I am the same. Pounds lost have not affected my personality, and I hope it never will.

In the same episode, one of the junior counselors asks the head counselor how he can help the campers avoid self-sabotage, and the head counselor says something very wise.

She says that she tries to set a good example, but that you sometimes can’t help someone succeed, because it is up to each individual to choose who they are going to be.  That’s powerful stuff. While it is important to ask for help from others, rely on friends to be workout buddies, or lean on people to listen when you need to talk; it is ultimately up to you. Whether you succeed or fail is all based on the choices you make. So, what choice are you going to make today to work towards your goal and turn away from your bad habits? And what do you think about self-sabotage? Is it something you're familiar with?

Long Time, No Post?

I know I haven't posted in awhile.  I think there have been a number of reasons for it.

1) My mom stayed with me for a couple of days this week.  That was wonderful for me, although possibly boring for her since I worked all day both days.  We went grocery shopping together and made meals that would be good for both of us to eat. My mom recently found out she has developed an allergy to gluten, which is found in wheat products.  She has had to adjust her diet quickly and radically, and I'm sure it is hard. I hope that it makes her feel so much better physically that she doesn't mind all the adjustments.

2) Ever since my race on Saturday, I've been consumed with thoughts of my next race and how best I can adjust my workout plan so that I can both run a longer race and continue to lose weight (I'm still kind of stalled in the weight-loss department.) However, since I had two back-to-back posts about running/working out I thought I my next should be something different. But really, working out is all I want to talk about (I joined one of my school's intramural softball teams yesterday!). It's amazing how working out was once such a dreaded thing, but now I look forward to it and really enjoy it.

3) The food area has continued to be a struggle for me, and I don't think I wanted to talk about it. See, as you lose weight, you need to continually drop the number of calories you consume so that you will continue to lose weight.  Lately it has been hard for me to stick within my reccommended calorie range, because it has gotten smaller. Hopefully, I will be able to think and pray about this and find some wisdom/resolve soon.

"I Did" Beats "I Will" Any Day

Just after starting. Please note what the back of my shirt says:
 "Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race for the Cure."

Oddly enough, I stole the title of this blog from a cigarette ad. The ad is just that tag line in a large, bold font, and I'm not sure what it has to do with smoking, unless it is a government-mandated attempt to get people to stop.

At any rate, it is appropriate for this blog because Saturday morning, I did it. I laid out my goals on this blog Friday night and then Saturday morning I accomplished them.  I ran an entire 5k, and I finished in under 35 minutes.  I'm not exactly sure what my time was and they haven't published the results yet. It was either approximately 32 or 33 minutes and 36 seconds. So I shaved either 2 or 3 minutes off my time.

I started at the back of the pack of 300+ runners. I didn't want to have a bunch of people passing me, but instead, I was quickly passing others.  Let me tell you, that's an ego boost and something I will probably do again at my next race.

I enjoyed running down South Blvd at 8 a.m. in the middle of a gaggle of runners. The weather was amazing, and it just felt great when I finally got some space in the pack to stretch my legs.  We didn't spend long on South and turned off to the neighborhoods behind it. The first mile was great, and made me think I could maybe really like this running stuff.

As it was the "Rock 'n Read 5k," we were promised a band playing at every mile (the reading part came in because we were supporting the library system). What we got instead was a few car stereos blaring for us and one guy with a guitar and an amp on someone's front lawn.  It didn't matter, cause I had my ipod and was rocking out to my running playlist.

I hadn't done any advance scouting of the course, and there were a few more hills than I would've preferred. Especially in the second and third mile.  The course was jagged, too, meaning we would only stay on a street for a block or two and then we would turn off onto another street.  This wouldn't be a big deal, except, then you couldn't see very far in front of you to see how bad the upcoming hills would be. On second thought, that might've been a good thing.

For the first half of the race I was keeping pace with a girl about my age. I thought we should be friends, so about halfway through, I turned to her and said, "We've been next to each other the whole race!" She didn't hear me with her ear buds in, and I had to repeat it when she pulled them out for me. I was going to say, "We should be friends!" next, but she put her earbuds back in before I could, so I guess that means she has enough friends.   After that she dropped back and I pulled ahead and I never saw her again. I hope I didn't scare her.

Towards the end, it didn't matter that I hadn't made a friend, because I just started talking to the air around me. These are some things I said:
"Where is mile 2?!?" (Turns out it was right around the next corner)
"I hate hills"
"These hills are killing me"
"C'mon, Stuckey, you can do it" (This was as I was going uphill. Also, it should be noted that I don't normally refer to myself as Stuckey, but this time I did.)

My friend Matt came out to run the 5k and support his library, but he is very fast and finished in about 25 minutes.  My dad got a great pic of him crossing the finish line.  Apparently my dad and Matt got to be great friends waiting for me to finally roll in seven minutes later.  

After I finished and I caught my breath, there was a bunch of SWAG for Matt, my dad and I to enjoy.  We had oranges (the best post-race snack available, if you ask me) and Chick-fil-A biscuits (I regret that I ate one, it was lukewarm and too heavy for just finishing a run) and water.  They also had cupcakes (I took one because it looked so pretty, but couldn't bring myself to eat it until like an hour later), beer (I skipped this, the thought of beer after running made me want to puke) and mimosas (I did take one of these, because there aren't many occasions where mimosas are the appropriate alcoholic beverage, but I thought this was one. I was wrong. I forgot how much I hate champagne, which together with orange juice makes a mimosa.)

Anyway, that's probably more post-race commentary than you wanted to know. Here are some post-race pictures.

Matt and I before the race.

The starting line 

Matt crosses the finish 

I cross the finish line
(behind a lady with a stroller, I guess)

Post-race oranges make me happy

OK GO

Tomorrow morning, bright and early, I will run in my second 5k (3.1 miles) race, and run I shall.


I started trying to become a runner last November.  Before then, I never had a desire to run, and, honestly, thought people that liked to run or did so for sport were a little crazy. However, last fall it occurred to me that if I was spending so much time at the gym, wouldn't it be nice if there was a purpose or something to work toward (besides the weight loss)?


So after hearing from my friend Cindy about the Coach to 5k program, I downloaded the accompanying podcasts and started slow. It was hard. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I don't think I'm exaggerating.  I almost gave up a bunch of times. I had to do each week of the program at least twice before I was ready to advance.  About halfway through the program, you're expected to be able to run for 20 minutes. I did it one time, and then couldn't get back to that length again. So I switched to a run/walk 5k training program.  A run/walk program has you run for a set number of minutes and then walk for a short period and then run again.  This was more do-able.


My first 5k in April could not have been a better experience. Stefanie, a great friend from college and an avid runner, flew up from Orlando the night before the race to surprise me.  She came to run alongside me and encourage me in my first race. It was an amazing gift.  Even though she is a much better and more experienced runner, she kept pace with me the whole way. She walked next to me during my walk breaks, and she encouraged me to run even when I thought I couldn't any more.  Together with Cindy, we made it to the finish line and crossed together. I finished 3.1 miles in just 35 minutes and 30 seconds, but I couldn't run the entire way.


So while the first race was great, I know tomorrow's will be even better.  I've been training again strong since August after taking a break from running over the summer.  I've now run a continuous 3.1 miles twice. I've run for 30 consecutive minutes (which takes me close to 3.1 miles) 4 or 5 times. Each of these longer runs has been outside on pavement, with some slight hills, so I feel like I'm ready.  My goals for tomorrow are to actually run the entire race and finish in less than 35 minutes.


I think I qualify as a runner now after almost 10 months of fighting to be one, although, I wouldn't say I love running yet. It's still physically hard, even when I can see how far I've come. But on a "run day," I'm always eager to get out there and see how far I can go.   I  wish I had a running partner, cause I know the miles would pass by quicker with a conversation. In the meantime, I have decided that just me, my sneakers and the pavement will do just fine.  I can see and feel the difference the training makes.  Plus, "I'm going running" just sounds cool.


I've already downloaded a 10k (6.2 miles) training program that I hope to start on Monday.  We'll see where that takes me!


PS if you are wondering about the title of this blog, it's the name of a band. They have the best running song ever called, "Here It Goes Again." Check it out.Check it out here.


Here are some pics from my first race.

Ready to run

Lucky # 14 

Cindy and I as we near the finish

A Few Recipes

So, I got a great question after yesterday's blog. "What kinds of meals do you cook, Jill?" It deserves a great answer.

I often use Sparkpeople's sister site, sparkrecipes.com to research a lot of new recipes.  I thought I'd put a few links to some of my favorite recipes, in case you guys want to check them out.

Main courses
Feta Chicken Burgers (I use ground turkey instead of ground chicken.)
Pulled Chicken BBQ Sandwich (So easy, yet so tasty. I put it on Sandwich Thins buns to save on calories.)
Garlic Chicken with Red and Yellow Peppers (I use A1 instead of the Kroger's sauce they mention.)
Easy Sausage Veggie Balls (So good)
Steak and Blue Cheese Pinwheels (difficult to construct, but tasty)
Chicken and Asparagus Pasta (I love pasta, but it is not incredibly filling for a reasonable amount calories. I eat it sparingly.)
Whole Wheat Penne with Sun Dried Tomatoes (ditto)
Honey Chicken Kabobs (Delicious, filling and full of veggies!)
Mini Meat Loaves (Hey, I never thought I'd be recommending meat loaf, but this is really moist and filling.)
Cream Cheese Basil Fettucini (This one is higher in calories than most recipes I make, so I try to cut out some calories where I can.)

Side Dishes
Mock Mashed Potatoes (Sounds gross, but it's really not horrible)
Broccoli/Cauliflower Cheese Bake (this one smells kind of wonky, but it's a tasty way to get your veggies in)
Yummy Baked Apples (smells and tastes kind of like fall, delicious)

A few notes: no matter what the recipe says, I use lean beef and whole wheat pasta to bring the calories down and make the dish a bit healthier.  I always calculate the calories myself for every meal I make. Knowing how many calories you're eating per serving is very important if you are counting calories for wait loss.  I just add up the calories for each thing I dump in and then divide by the number of servings I need.

I'd love it if you'd share some of your favorite recipes with me. I'm always looking for new stuff so I don't get bored with what I'm eating. If you found them online, post a link in the comments below or on my Facebook wall.  If you don't have a link, but have the time to type out the recipe, I'd love it.

My Secrets Revealed!

When people first started to notice that I was dropping pounds, they all wanted to know what I was doing to lose the weight.  They wanted to know my secret. 

It’s not much of a secret. I count calories on sparkpeople.com. The basics come down to:   if you burn more calories than you eat, you should lose weight.*  But if you’re used to eating out multiple times a week and eating junk or packaged foods (hello, I’m talking to you, Kraft macaroni and cheese) when you’re eating at home, like I was, it will be really hard to eat within your calorie range.  Pretty quickly when I started last August, I figured out some guidelines that helped me a lot. They are:

1)      I go to the grocery store every weekend. This is important This allows me to keep fresh fruit and veggies in the house all the time, but also keeps me from being able to use my favorite excuse: there’s nothing to eat at home, so I might as well grab some fast food for dinner.

2)      Working out 6 days a week for about 45 minutes each.  I realize everyone is busy, but you need to make time for your health. I work out on my lunch hour most days, which keeps me from being too busy to put on my sneakers when I get home from work.  What used to be a chore, is now something to which I look forward. (Expect to see more of my philosophy on working out in the future.)

3)      When I first started, I strictly outlawed eating out Monday-Thursday.  It was really hard, especially when friends would call with last minute requests to join them for dinner.  I’m not as strict about this now, but it really helped when I was starting out.  When you are counting calories, it is really hard to stay on track and eat out.  There are a few restaurants that make it easier by posting calorie counts and having tasty and nutritious options (thank you McAlister’s!), but eating out will always be higher in calories than eating at home.

4)      My main reason for eating out so much was because I was too tired or too hungry to cook after I got home from work each day.  To that end, I started making two meals each weekend.  I divide and package them into Tupperware as soon as they’ve cooled.  These two meals provide my lunch and dinner for the week (most recipes are 4-5 servings each), and I know exactly how many calories are in them because I calculate them myself based on the ingredients I put in. It eliminates the excuses that I was really great at creating.

Now these were my solutions to my issues. What are your issues? What’s keeping you from losing? What solutions have you found work for you? Post them below or email them to me and I will try to help you brainstorm solutions.

*I say should because there are always special circumstances and especially with women, there can be other factors at play. Also, there is actually a formula that factors in the calories you are burning at rest (just doing everyday things) and the calories you are burning when you exercise to determine how many calories you should eat each day. Maybe I’ll post that someday soon.

It Doesn't Get Easier

You’d think that after losing 80 pounds in one year, this whole “healthy eating” thing would be easier.  You’d be wrong about that. I’m here to tell you that for someone who loves food, especially when it is bad for you, it doesn’t really get easier. I still get tired and want to get quick take out. I still get depressed and then crave ice cream. I still get invited out to eat with friends and coworkers and eat what’s available at whatever restaurant is chosen by the group. I still let myself get too hungry and then want to eat whatever is in sight. So basically, I said all that to get to this: I mess up and I mess up often, especially lately when my life has been so stressful. I wish I could say that I just have a small bite or two to satisfy a craving and then move on, but I don’t.

What I’ve realized is that I can’t dwell on mistakes. The important thing is not to make it a regular habit, to not let one mistake become a week of mistakes. And it’s not like I haven’t let one mistake become a week of mistakes, I have several times. But when that happens, I need to keep from allowing a week of mistakes become a month of mistakes. Of course, that one has happened too, I like to call it the months of May and July. But at some point, I remember why it is I’m trying to lose weight and how good I feel when I am eating the way I was made to eat.  And the crazy thing is that when I do make the choice to reach for fresh fruit instead of crap, it tastes great, smells great and makes me feel great for choosing it. Just wish I could remember that when breaking out the ice cream scoop.

Swimming the Channel

I have a couple of great friends, Abi and Bryan, who live off the coast of south Georgia near Jekyll Island, and always cook up an adventure when Amie and I visit them.  Last time we were there, Abi and Bryan took us to Driftwood Beach on the north end of the island.  It's a cool place, but this story is not about that.  

From Driftwood Beach, you can see the next island over, St. Simon's Island, and its lighthouse (I like to climb to the top of lighthouses, it's a thing I do). Abi and I decided swimming to St. Simon's would be our next great swimming challenge (Abi and I like swimming challenges, it's a thing we do.) Since Abi was approximately six months pregnant at the time, we decided it would be best to wait a bit on this challenge.

Fast-forward a few months to this weekend and Abi has had her second adorable baby, and Amie and I are there visiting. We begin talking about the great swimming challenge again.  Abi's husband Bryan knows a lot about a lot of stuff (it's a thing he does.)  He's against the great swim because 1) the currents in this particular channel are strong and unpredictable 2) we would have to cross a shipping channel and 3) it is approximately a mile across.

I protest, mainly because I don't understand currents and I don't think Bryan realizes my swimming prowess, but Bryan offers a compromise: swim across the Jekyll River instead.  The river is narrower (about 700 yards across), quieter (only recreational boaters visit its waters) and well-known to Bryan (who gives regular kayak tours up and down the Jekyll). While Abi, as a nursing mother, bows out, I am remain hooked by the thought of an open water swim. While a shorter distance, it would still be tough crossing open water with the only options being to literally sink or swim if I feel like giving up.  

Bryan offers to kayak along beside me so that boaters won't have a problem seeing me in the water and to help if I get in trouble out there. Finally, the plan is set.  Amie and Abi watch and cheer from the dock as we take off.  I leave from the dock like a rocket, and quickly realize I was in such a hurry I forgot a hair tie. Annoying.  Soon after, I regret the absences of goggles in the salt water river.  I've always swum with eyes open, but I can only stand that burn for about 5 minutes before the eyes have to close and I'm swimming blind.  

But I want to impress my friends and prove to myself I can do it.  I make it to the marsh on the opposite side in 10 minutes. I stand on my knees on the sandbar with some bird friends, and give a victory wave to my friends back on the dock. I'm not sure if they could see or not, but it felt good.  Bryan and I start back and I immediately realize this is going to be more difficult. The wind is pushing against me, which makes it harder, but it also means there are choppy waves that are slapping me in the face each time I come up for air.  The salt water is now burning my throat too.  It takes me 21 minutes to make it back, because of the way the wind is pushing against me, but my friends all cheer as I near the dock and Bryan (who I secretly think I have impressed with my swimming ability) starts talking of other swimming feats he thinks I'm ready to take on.

A few months ago I looked up how far it would be to swim the English Channel.  I had heard of people doing it, so I thought it couldn't be too far.  Turns out, it is 21 miles!  At my average swim pace of about a 40-minute mile that would take me about 14 hours of continuous swimming, assuming I could keep that pace the whole time (which would be close to impossible).  On top of the distance, it is a very cold swim and it is across a busy shipping channel.  So, while it may sound cool to be able to say you've swum the English Channel, for now, I think I'll stick with trying to challenge myself swimming to the islands off the coast of south Georgia.    


Do you ever challenge yourself physically? Try to do something new just because you want to see if you can. If yes, what do you do?




Amie took lots of pictures (Amie likes to take pictures, it's a thing she does) of the adventure, but in most've them I'm sort of a spec. Here are a few.

Taking off from the dock and heading for the land opposite.

See the land near the end of the bridge? That's where I swam.

A Hard Way to Start the Day

So, apparently, having a blog is really motivating.   After getting so many comments and messages from friends and family on the FB post announcing the blog, I have felt really encouraged.  When I have wanted to get fast food on the way home, I've actually stopped myself thinking, "What kind of weight loss journey blogger stops to get Zaxby's on the way home from work when I have a perfectly healthy meal waiting at home for me?"  Also, when I was running outside (with some slight hills!) on Tuesday, I totally wanted to quit before the allotted 30 minutes had passed. But I just thought about all the people who believe in me and kept going.  I've now run for 30 consecutive minutes (about 2.75 miles) three times!  

However, today when I stepped on the scale I was the exact same weight as last week.  Truly disappointing, as I felt I had been on track this week.  Yes, on Friday and Saturday I did indulge at a party (cheesecake!) and eating out with friends (I love a good burger). But a girl can not live (figuratively, not literally) without the occasional indulgence.  Trust me.

So the question becomes, how do I keep moving forward after a disappointing weigh-in?  I guess the best answer I have is patience.  If I can wait it out, not let it get to me, and continue towards my goals, it should pay off next week.  The trick is not letting it get to me, and I think that's where this blog will be helpful. 

What do you think? Anybody had any experience with this kind of thing? Doing well only to have the scale not back you up?

Double Take

Last week I passed one of my former students on campus.  I think she was in my class just last year, but as we got closer and I smiled and said, “hi,” she clearly had that blank sort of “I have no idea who you are” look on her face.  It wasn’t devastating to me; after all it’s not the first time it’s happened. But, I was a little surprised that someone who had to stare at me for an hour once a week as I lectured about study skills, academic responsibility and notetaking didn’t seem to remember me.  But, just as we got to point where we’d be heading in opposite directions, I saw the light click on in her head and she said, “You look great! I almost didn’t recognize you!”

I said thanks and we both went our separate ways, but it jarred me. Friends and colleagues regularly tell me that I look great, but it’s harder for me to see the difference because I’ve been watching my body change very slowly over the last year.  This sort of reaction was out of the ordinary and made me see myself differently.

What a Difference One Year Makes

The Journey Thus Far

I’ve been overweight for as long as I can remember. When I was at an early grade-school age, my best friend and I formed an eating club. We just decided that if clubs were for things you liked to do, and we liked to eat, we might as well form the Eating Club. We were the only two members. When I was in middle school I remember my dad always had to take me to the far away mall (Columbia Mall, as opposed to the much closer Columbiana) because it had a store that had a larger selection of Easter dresses for fat girls. When I was a freshman and sophomore in high school and playing softball regularly, I was a size and shape that I would love to be now, but then I only saw myself as gargantuan in comparison to all of the other teenage stick girls that roamed the halls of our high school.

College is when I put on a bulk of my weight, I guess, but I didn’t really notice then. If I had to put the blame somewhere, it would reside with the junk food stored in my residence hall closet (How in the world did that get there?) and the “all you can eat” cafeteria. (what’s that? I didn’t have to eat just the greasy foods, skip the salad bar and then go back for Ice Dream cones? I wish someone would’ve told me.) When talking with coworkers at my first job after college about who would play me in a movie about my life, I struggled to come up with a name because as I said then, “There just aren’t enough curly-headed fat girls in the movie industry.”

Because of this history, I’ve always seen the extra plumpness as a part of myself. I don’t think it ever occurred to me that I could/should try to lose weight until I was partway through college. I didn’t actually start trying to lose weight until well after I graduated. I don’t have a long history of many diets tried and failed.  I think I’ve only seriously tried to lose weight a handful of times. The first time was when a friend and I went in together to buy the special on the Richard Simmons infomercial. We started in January of 2004 and before I gave up in June I had lost 35 pounds. A vacation got me off track and I eventually gained it all back. The next winter I signed up with Weight Watchers and went to the meetings faithfully for several months. That was when I decided that poor people should never have to be fat too, because you can’t afford the weight loss “cures.” Again, I was successful for about the same length of time, losing about 40 pounds, and then I went on a vacation and gave up. After that attempt, I tried to do the Weight Watchers plan a number of times on my own and even paid to go back to the meetings a few times.  I wasn’t really successful again until January 2008, when I got back on Weight Watchers yet again, this time trying it on my own.  I was derailed that time by a week of birthday celebrations in May.

So when I started yet again on July 31, 2009, I didn’t have high hopes. What I did have was a tip on a free website for tracking calories and fat, Sparkpeople.com, from Monica, and I had Abi.  Abi and I had been talking for awhile about my desire to lose weight and how I thought what I really needed was a personal weight loss coach. Someone who would listen to me when I got crazy cravings and talk me down off of that ledge. Someone who understood the struggle I have with food. Someone who has been there done that.  When Abi offered to be my weight loss coach, I believe I scoffed at her.  She had never been overweight. She had never had a food problem. She would not understand what it was like, so she couldn’t possibly be a weight loss coach. Plus, she lives in Georgia, and I hate to talk on the phone. When I told her all of this, she said she understood, but that she would be there to listen if I changed my mind.

Also, ever since I had turned 29 on May 1, 2009, I felt my 30^th birthday looming. I knew I needed to change, and I wanted to be different by the time I was 30. Then at the end of July 2009, I traveled to Illinois for my grandmother’s 80^th birthday party. The combination of sitting squished into an airplane seat for 2 hours each way, being embarrassed by how much larger I had gotten since the last time I saw many of these distant relatives and looking at the pictures from the event got me thinking again about the need to lose weight.  So these things, combined with the looming 30^th (10 months away), and the support of my friend Abi, pushed me to sign up for Sparkpeople the weekend after I got home from Illinois.

It was slow going at first. I went on vacation to Memphis my second week of the diet. I was “good” for a day or so and then got way off track for the rest of the week.  But Abi called me faithfully, encouraging me to keep at it, and Sparkpeople made weight loss almost fun by allowing you to collect Sparkpoints for completing various tasks (exercising, drinking the recommended amount of water, reading articles, doing various motivational exercises, etc.) and allowing your Sparkpoints to add up to virtual trophies quickly. I was somehow able to get my head back in the game and continue on this weight loss journey.

At Thanksgiving and Christmas in 2009 I was relentless. I worried and planned about how I would survive the eat-fests for weeks in advance.  When the holidays came, though, all the forethought paid off. Even though it was the holidays, I forced my dad to take me to his gym daily while I was there visiting. I ate a normal Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner but got back to my regular routine quickly. When I got back from spending a week at my parents’ house for Christmas, I had even managed to lose one pound.

By the time I made it to 30 on May 1, 2010, I was a different person.  I was exercising 6-7 hours a week, eating with in my calorie range most days, not eating out as much, eating the recommended five servings of fruits and veggies a day and drinking about 12 glasses of water daily.  I had also lost 79 pounds in 10 months. I had been setting regular goals along the way and had been meeting them.

In the months since my 30^th, I have slowed down. In fact for a solid three to four months I haven’t lost anything. I haven’t gained anything either.  At first I was not bothered by this and chalked it up to summer. (Summer always makes me eat crazy. I mean ice cream is practically its own food group for me in the summer, and vacations and weekend trips make it very difficult to stay on track.) Plus, I had lost so much weight so quickly that I felt it was probably a good thing to let my body adjust to its new size.

But now summer’s over, and I want to get back to accomplishing goals.  I may not be able to rip through a steady two pounds a week any more, but I want to see some progress.  I’m trying to get my eating back to normal and out of vacation mode. It’s hard. It seems even harder than when I first started, but that’s probably just because I have a horrible memory. I’m sure it was hard then too. That’s why I wish I had been blogging about this weight loss journey all along. At least I have started now, and I hope that I can become faithful in posting. Some posts will be happy, some posts will be depressing, but I guess that’s the way life and a weight loss journey works. I hope you will find something on this blog interesting or encouraging. Plus, I can almost guarantee no other post will be as long as this one.