Motivation

*Photo courtesy of my friend Stefanie who found it on the world wide web.

Today=One Good Day

I feel like a lot of my posts have been mopey lately.  I don't mean to be like that! So today, I thought I'd chronicle today's little successes.

a) I finished my book last night so I was in a good mood and not angry about being forced to work and workout instead of read.

b) I ate my cereal with strawberries and almond milk (yum!) for breakfast, without even the thought of stopping to get BoJangles on the way to work. (When I'm not in such a good mood, this can be a regular battle).

c) I drank an entire water bottle before lunch. (When I was on a dieting streak I would have two water bottles full of water before lunch, but lately, I've been slacking in that area.)

d) I went running at lunch and completed the entire workout, which included just under 4 miles in 40 minutes of running. The weather was wonderful and the neighborhood I ran in was beautiful. I kept crossing paths with a garbage truck, and I didn't even mind because it made me laugh. Also, this is the first time I've completed that particular workout and it was hard, but felt good when I was done.

e) I ate the delicious lunch that I brought yesterday but didn't eat then because I didn't think it would be delicious. But it was. Delicious, I mean.  It was an apple salad and involved a lot of crunching and had some great flavors.

f) I came home and ate the delicious dinner that I had prepared on Sunday afternoon.

g) It is 8:08 p.m. I think I will be successfully avoiding after-dinner snacks tonight.

h) I had 5 servings of fruits and veggies today, the recommended amount of water and ate within my calorie range. 

i) While I did help myself to a few spoonfuls of the M&Ms and peanut mix on a co-worker's desk, I didn't overdo it and I did not eat one of my planned snacks in order to compensate. 

What did you do (or not do) today that makes you proud? Let us know!

Me,You? You, Me?

I don't know if you know this, but swimming laps is an excellent way to think.   I write wonderful blogs in my head when it is lap swimming day (which today was), but unfortunately there is not a computer in the pool with me or even a recording device of any sort for me to get all this gold on paper.

Today I was thinking about the purpose of this blog.  Should I be writing it for me, or should I be writing it for you?  Should I be writing it to help me sort through my thoughts and achieve my goals or should I be writing it to help out those who are where I was a year ago?
 
When I started it, I was full of grand wisdom and self-importance and thought that I had so much to share. I was thinking that I've accomplished so much that I could help others do the same.  The more I think about it, however, I realize that all of my tips and tricks aren't really anything special.  You could find similar things in a hundred different web sites or magazine articles, and just because they worked for me does not mean that they are the best solutions to your problems.

I also thought about the comments I've gotten and the stats Blogger gives me. As near as I can tell, only about five people read the blog regularly.  These people are my "biggest fans" and not necessarily interested in weight loss/healthy eating.  

Add to this the fact that I've continued to be unable to make any progress towards my goal of losing 100 pounds.  I've held steady at 84 pounds lost since I started writing.  I think partially I've hit a wall or a plateau with weight loss (and really, luckily, my first really bad one since I started losing) and partially I haven't been as "good" as I could have been when it comes to eating right.

So, I guess at the end of my 40-minute swim I came to the conclusion that maybe the blog should be more for me.  Clearly, I still have some food issues to work through (read: I'm crazy).  I may have lost 84 pounds, but I'm nowhere close to perfect and this plateau has me second guessing how I ever got this far. As I work through my neurosis via the world wide web, however, I still hope that my journey may provide some motivation for you to do something, even if it has nothing to do with weight loss or healthy living. We'll see how that goes.

Quick note: All I wanted to do today was read. I intentionally left my book at home so that I wouldn't skip my lunchtime workout in favor of reading and it put me in a really bad mood all morning.  Despite a bunch of excuses that bad-mood me came up with, I still went to the gym, and let me tell you, it AMAZES me at what a difference that lunch time workout makes. The minute I stepped into the locker room I was in a better mood, and at the end of the workout, I had forgotten why I was mad.  That is all. I'm going to read now.

Huge

So this summer, I watched the television show, “Huge” on ABC Family.  It was an hour-long dramedy about a bunch of teenagers at fat camp. I really enjoyed the show.  They featured actors who were actually overweight as the stars of the show. They explored a lot of topics that are big and scary like eating disorders, being comfortable in your own skin, having the courage to change yourself, etc.  A lot of it hit home with me, but particularly some things were said during an episode where self-sabotage was the theme.

The camp counselor, who is thin but who has struggled with food issues in the past and now attends Overeaters Anonymous, warns the campers about self sabotage. She says something about how making progress toward a goal is great, but there is often a side of ourselves that doesn’t want us to succeed, a part that is comfortable with ourselves and the campers have to guard against that.

Wow, that’s something that make you stop and think. Yeah, there are times when I mess up or get off track, but I have always chalked it up to a love of food.  Was it possible that these mistakes were my subconscious, eager for me to fail? Do I want to remain overweight so that I have an excuse for things not going my way? Am I afraid that by losing the extra weight that I have carried most of my life, I might lose a part of who I am?

The answer is, I think so.  Maybe self-sabotage is not the culprit every time I overeat, but making such a big life change is a scary thing.  I like who I am, and a gut reaction to changing who I am is “I don’t wanna.”  But after some analysis, is changing really a bad thing?  I’ve already changed a lot of behaviors, but essentially, I think I am the same. Pounds lost have not affected my personality, and I hope it never will.

In the same episode, one of the junior counselors asks the head counselor how he can help the campers avoid self-sabotage, and the head counselor says something very wise.

She says that she tries to set a good example, but that you sometimes can’t help someone succeed, because it is up to each individual to choose who they are going to be.  That’s powerful stuff. While it is important to ask for help from others, rely on friends to be workout buddies, or lean on people to listen when you need to talk; it is ultimately up to you. Whether you succeed or fail is all based on the choices you make. So, what choice are you going to make today to work towards your goal and turn away from your bad habits? And what do you think about self-sabotage? Is it something you're familiar with?

Long Time, No Post?

I know I haven't posted in awhile.  I think there have been a number of reasons for it.

1) My mom stayed with me for a couple of days this week.  That was wonderful for me, although possibly boring for her since I worked all day both days.  We went grocery shopping together and made meals that would be good for both of us to eat. My mom recently found out she has developed an allergy to gluten, which is found in wheat products.  She has had to adjust her diet quickly and radically, and I'm sure it is hard. I hope that it makes her feel so much better physically that she doesn't mind all the adjustments.

2) Ever since my race on Saturday, I've been consumed with thoughts of my next race and how best I can adjust my workout plan so that I can both run a longer race and continue to lose weight (I'm still kind of stalled in the weight-loss department.) However, since I had two back-to-back posts about running/working out I thought I my next should be something different. But really, working out is all I want to talk about (I joined one of my school's intramural softball teams yesterday!). It's amazing how working out was once such a dreaded thing, but now I look forward to it and really enjoy it.

3) The food area has continued to be a struggle for me, and I don't think I wanted to talk about it. See, as you lose weight, you need to continually drop the number of calories you consume so that you will continue to lose weight.  Lately it has been hard for me to stick within my reccommended calorie range, because it has gotten smaller. Hopefully, I will be able to think and pray about this and find some wisdom/resolve soon.

"I Did" Beats "I Will" Any Day

Just after starting. Please note what the back of my shirt says:
 "Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race for the Cure."

Oddly enough, I stole the title of this blog from a cigarette ad. The ad is just that tag line in a large, bold font, and I'm not sure what it has to do with smoking, unless it is a government-mandated attempt to get people to stop.

At any rate, it is appropriate for this blog because Saturday morning, I did it. I laid out my goals on this blog Friday night and then Saturday morning I accomplished them.  I ran an entire 5k, and I finished in under 35 minutes.  I'm not exactly sure what my time was and they haven't published the results yet. It was either approximately 32 or 33 minutes and 36 seconds. So I shaved either 2 or 3 minutes off my time.

I started at the back of the pack of 300+ runners. I didn't want to have a bunch of people passing me, but instead, I was quickly passing others.  Let me tell you, that's an ego boost and something I will probably do again at my next race.

I enjoyed running down South Blvd at 8 a.m. in the middle of a gaggle of runners. The weather was amazing, and it just felt great when I finally got some space in the pack to stretch my legs.  We didn't spend long on South and turned off to the neighborhoods behind it. The first mile was great, and made me think I could maybe really like this running stuff.

As it was the "Rock 'n Read 5k," we were promised a band playing at every mile (the reading part came in because we were supporting the library system). What we got instead was a few car stereos blaring for us and one guy with a guitar and an amp on someone's front lawn.  It didn't matter, cause I had my ipod and was rocking out to my running playlist.

I hadn't done any advance scouting of the course, and there were a few more hills than I would've preferred. Especially in the second and third mile.  The course was jagged, too, meaning we would only stay on a street for a block or two and then we would turn off onto another street.  This wouldn't be a big deal, except, then you couldn't see very far in front of you to see how bad the upcoming hills would be. On second thought, that might've been a good thing.

For the first half of the race I was keeping pace with a girl about my age. I thought we should be friends, so about halfway through, I turned to her and said, "We've been next to each other the whole race!" She didn't hear me with her ear buds in, and I had to repeat it when she pulled them out for me. I was going to say, "We should be friends!" next, but she put her earbuds back in before I could, so I guess that means she has enough friends.   After that she dropped back and I pulled ahead and I never saw her again. I hope I didn't scare her.

Towards the end, it didn't matter that I hadn't made a friend, because I just started talking to the air around me. These are some things I said:
"Where is mile 2?!?" (Turns out it was right around the next corner)
"I hate hills"
"These hills are killing me"
"C'mon, Stuckey, you can do it" (This was as I was going uphill. Also, it should be noted that I don't normally refer to myself as Stuckey, but this time I did.)

My friend Matt came out to run the 5k and support his library, but he is very fast and finished in about 25 minutes.  My dad got a great pic of him crossing the finish line.  Apparently my dad and Matt got to be great friends waiting for me to finally roll in seven minutes later.  

After I finished and I caught my breath, there was a bunch of SWAG for Matt, my dad and I to enjoy.  We had oranges (the best post-race snack available, if you ask me) and Chick-fil-A biscuits (I regret that I ate one, it was lukewarm and too heavy for just finishing a run) and water.  They also had cupcakes (I took one because it looked so pretty, but couldn't bring myself to eat it until like an hour later), beer (I skipped this, the thought of beer after running made me want to puke) and mimosas (I did take one of these, because there aren't many occasions where mimosas are the appropriate alcoholic beverage, but I thought this was one. I was wrong. I forgot how much I hate champagne, which together with orange juice makes a mimosa.)

Anyway, that's probably more post-race commentary than you wanted to know. Here are some post-race pictures.

Matt and I before the race.

The starting line 

Matt crosses the finish 

I cross the finish line
(behind a lady with a stroller, I guess)

Post-race oranges make me happy

OK GO

Tomorrow morning, bright and early, I will run in my second 5k (3.1 miles) race, and run I shall.


I started trying to become a runner last November.  Before then, I never had a desire to run, and, honestly, thought people that liked to run or did so for sport were a little crazy. However, last fall it occurred to me that if I was spending so much time at the gym, wouldn't it be nice if there was a purpose or something to work toward (besides the weight loss)?


So after hearing from my friend Cindy about the Coach to 5k program, I downloaded the accompanying podcasts and started slow. It was hard. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I don't think I'm exaggerating.  I almost gave up a bunch of times. I had to do each week of the program at least twice before I was ready to advance.  About halfway through the program, you're expected to be able to run for 20 minutes. I did it one time, and then couldn't get back to that length again. So I switched to a run/walk 5k training program.  A run/walk program has you run for a set number of minutes and then walk for a short period and then run again.  This was more do-able.


My first 5k in April could not have been a better experience. Stefanie, a great friend from college and an avid runner, flew up from Orlando the night before the race to surprise me.  She came to run alongside me and encourage me in my first race. It was an amazing gift.  Even though she is a much better and more experienced runner, she kept pace with me the whole way. She walked next to me during my walk breaks, and she encouraged me to run even when I thought I couldn't any more.  Together with Cindy, we made it to the finish line and crossed together. I finished 3.1 miles in just 35 minutes and 30 seconds, but I couldn't run the entire way.


So while the first race was great, I know tomorrow's will be even better.  I've been training again strong since August after taking a break from running over the summer.  I've now run a continuous 3.1 miles twice. I've run for 30 consecutive minutes (which takes me close to 3.1 miles) 4 or 5 times. Each of these longer runs has been outside on pavement, with some slight hills, so I feel like I'm ready.  My goals for tomorrow are to actually run the entire race and finish in less than 35 minutes.


I think I qualify as a runner now after almost 10 months of fighting to be one, although, I wouldn't say I love running yet. It's still physically hard, even when I can see how far I've come. But on a "run day," I'm always eager to get out there and see how far I can go.   I  wish I had a running partner, cause I know the miles would pass by quicker with a conversation. In the meantime, I have decided that just me, my sneakers and the pavement will do just fine.  I can see and feel the difference the training makes.  Plus, "I'm going running" just sounds cool.


I've already downloaded a 10k (6.2 miles) training program that I hope to start on Monday.  We'll see where that takes me!


PS if you are wondering about the title of this blog, it's the name of a band. They have the best running song ever called, "Here It Goes Again." Check it out.Check it out here.


Here are some pics from my first race.

Ready to run

Lucky # 14 

Cindy and I as we near the finish