Because I'm Happy...and Brave

In a blog a few weeks ago, I mentioned how I needed to make a dance party play list (I've since taken care of that business).  What I didn't mention was the "selfspirational" playlist I had already started.

It's growing slowly, because I'm only putting songs on there that truly make me feel like I can do anything or will give my mood a complete 180 on bad days, but it's quality stuff.

Here are my two favorites right now.
(by co-inky-dink they are both on the selfspirational playlist and the dance party play list):

Brave by Sara Bareilles
I read an article about this song right before the Grammys (she was nominated for album of the year) that mentioned the video was directed by Rashida Jones, which intrigued me, so I looked it up.  I've been hooked ever since.  The song has a great message and a good beat, but the random people dancing in random places in the video is probably the biggest part of why I fell in love with it. I would love to do my own version as tribute, and I often listen to it on repeat when I'm driving, planning my moves, costumes and locations.
(Let me say that just because I'm planning the video, does not mean it will ever happen. It's just fun to think about.)


Happy by Pharrell Williams
I've only known of this song for six days, but already I have jammed out to it more times that I can count. Just try and listen to it without busting a groove. Impossible.  Now the funny thing is that I looked up the video just tonight for this blog and found it also features random people dancing in random places.  Let me tell you, Pharrell and Sara know the way to my heart.  Enjoy and dance it out.

Try, try again

I think the most prevalent lesson that's being hammered into me lately is to keep on trying.
If you've ever read this blog before, you know that I have an up and down relationship with eating right.  I do it for awhile, see some success on the scale, eventually go back to eating unhealthily and in excess, gain weight, etc.  Each time this happens I feel like a failure.  Then inevitably, after varying periods of eating junk, I have to "re-boot" or "re-start" my healthy eating.  This gets harder and harder to do.

During this period of eating junk and then trying to convince myself to get back on track, there's a lot of self-doubt, fear and basically not nice things that fly around in my head. It would be easier to just give up.  If I stop trying then I can't fail, right? I always think of Evelyn Couch in Fried Green Tomatoes, when she said "I wish I had the courage to get it over with and get really fat."

Unfortunately, not trying isn't really an option. Because if I'm not trying to lose weight then I am basically gaining weight - mostly due to the delicious but unhealthy food that I'm eating.  And my family has a history of diabetes and heart disease, things I don't want to deal with personally.  And when you are overweight like I am, finding clothes that fit and don't look dowdy is hard.  Etc. Etc.  Bottom line is I need to lose weight.

I had the realization a couple of weeks ago, that I feel better when I'm eating as planned simply because I'm at least trying to do something about my weight. I may not have lost 100 pounds yet, but at least I'm working toward the goal. Even though it seems easier when I'm off plan to just continue eating whatever I want (which is always the bad stuff), it makes me feel kind of miserable emotionally because I feel stuck at this unhealthy weight.

So these are things I know to be true, but it doesn't mean this whole healthy eating thing is smooth sailing. It's hard to deny cravings and keep trying.  But keep trying, I must.

Wow, I just put a lot of crazy out there for public consumption.  Please be gentle in your response.

Lesson #2

I know it's January 31 and not January 1, but I seem to be resolving to do a lot of things lately.  I told you last week about how I'm making an effort to live life*, but the other major thing I've been thinking about lately is how I need to choose to be happy.

See, I started noticing that I was complaining a lot.  About work, about people, about neighbors with yappy dogs, about anything that crossed my path, really. And the complaining was bothering me (and if it was bothering me, what was it doing to those who were forced to listen to it?).  One day, I got so sick of this that I stopped mid-story and told the guy I was talking to, "You know what? I feel like all I ever do is complain when I talk to you, and I don't want to be that person, so I'm going to stop talking now."

I think I used to be a naturally happy person.  Now I would describe myself more as a naturally neutral person who tends to gravitate toward the bad side of things instead of the good. I don't like that change.

So for the past couple of weeks, I've had sort of an internal mantra going.  Choose Joy.  When I get irritated or upset or stressed, and I start the internal litany of complaints, I stop and say to myself, "No. Choose joy." And just that thought allows me to change my mindset. To realize that I am in control of my attitude. To focus on the positives.  I am actually really lucky, because the choose joy mantra is something that is coming into my brain on its own.  I think my next step is to set up a dance music playlist (Is it weird that I don't have one already? I feel like this is something I should have) so I can bust out a quick dance party if things are really dire and need to bounce back to Joytown.

I'm not saying I'm never negative now and don't ever complain.  But I am catching myself more often. And catching myself is half the battle. ** This is one of those things that I'll continue to work on for awhile.  Because I want to be a Joyful Jill***, not a Negative Nancy.

*ever since I posted the Live Life lesson, I've regretted that term. How generic is "live life"?  I suppose we are our own worst critics, and you guys got the drift of what I was saying. But of course we need to live life, right? Cause otherwise we'd be dead.
**and the other half is dancing my way back to Joytown, apparently.
***do you ever have to play that game where you pick an adjective that starts with the same letter as your first name? Mine is always Joyful Jill or Jubilant Jill.
****if your name is Nancy, I do not mean to imply that you are negative by nature.  I just like the alliteration.

Lessons I'm learning in 2014

At the end of this, the first month of the two thousand and fourteenth year of our lord, I feel like I'm being a taught a lot of lessons.  Things have been dawning on me lately and I'm going, "you know what? That makes a lot of sense."  I want to record these lessons here for myself, so I'm gonna start a little muti-part series here on the blog. Here's the first thing:

Live Life
As an introvert, my natural tendency is to stay home.  I love my house where I live alone with my dog and my couch and my blankets (among other things. Those are just my favorite things).  I love to read (alone). I love to watch tv (alone). I love to sing while washing the dishes (alone).  There's nothing wrong with any of these activities, there's nothing wrong with being alone, and I do think I need a healthy amount of both to re-energize for work and life in general.

But life has got to be more than that. At least mine does. It's got to be connections with people and stories to tell and experiences that make me laugh.

It seems like, especially as I get older, it's just easier to stay home and do my own thing. To stick to routine instead of sticking my neck out. Which is weird, because I figured out a long time ago that an interesting life is a much better way to go.

So this is one of the lessons I'm learning these days. Live life. Try new things. Meet up with people I haven't seen in awhile, even if it means I have to extend the initial invitation.  Invite people to study a book with you, even if that's kind of a scary thing to put out there. Have experiences that give me new stories to tell.

You know what doesn't matter? How many books I end up reading this year.  Lots of people seemed impressed with my 95 books last year, but my only reading goal for this year is to read less.  Not because I don't value it, but I want to value relationships more.

My first big realization with this lesson came last weekend. My friend Taylor had invited me to come to Atlanta to participate in a flash mob, and I was hesitant at first. It seemed like a long way to go for something silly.  Finally, after I thought about it for almost a whole week, I realized this was a chance to live an interesting life. Why would I pass that up? Let's face it, if I'd stayed home, I probably would've just bonded a little bit more with my couch.

This isn't something that comes easy, but it's something I'm willing to work on. Thoughts?



PS: BTDUBBS, you can thank my friend Cindy for this blog post. She did something for me and instead of letting me repay her, she suggested I offer payment in the form of a blog post a week.  I have missed my blog, so that was a payment plan I was willing to accept.

Made to Crave?

If you know me, or you read my blog, you probably know that this whole healthy eating/healthy living/losing weight and keeping it off thing is a S-T-R-U-G-G-L-E for me. And I dial back the crazy considerably for the blog audience.*

Two years ago I read a book called "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst.  When I read it, it had a profound impact on my attitude toward food and dieting, etc.  But then I finished the book after a few days, returned to my normal book-diet of easy-to-digest fiction**, and promptly forgot a lot about what I learned.  I remember thinking when I finished it that I should just re-read it continuously forever so I wouldn't forget its truths, but didn't follow through with that.

I pulled it off of my bookshelf a few months ago with the intention of reading it again, but it has sat on my dresser untouched ever since.  I'm having a hard time starting it again, even though I know it would help.

I've been tinkering with an idea - I'd like to read it in conjunction with others for accountability and for discussion.  I know a lot of people face the same struggles with food that I do. I think talking about it helps; I feel less like a weirdo when I share with you guys and you seem to know what I'm talking about.

So, here's the pitch - if you'd like to read Made to Crave along with me, I'd love that.  I would also love if we could gather on a weekly or bi-weekly** to talk about what we're reading.  It's a pretty slim book so it would not be too taxing.  If you're interested, but you live far away, still let me know that you're interested. Maybe we could set up a Facebook group or something to share thoughts.

I don't have any details yet, about where we would meet or what day or how much we should read between meetings, I just want to gauge interest. All of that really depends on the group. If you understand the struggle and you think you maybe kind of could possibly want to join me in reading this, either send me an e-mail [stuckeyjc at gmail.com], a Facebook message or leave a comment below.

I think this book is worth your time.


*You're welcome.
**See what I did there? mixing food metaphors in while talking about books and reading?  Confusing or a seriously effective communication tool? You decide.
***Is bi-weekly the kind that is every other week or the kind that is twice a week? Cause I mean the kind that is every other week.

The above picture was clearly stolen from Amazon. But maybe it helps that the links in the blog point back to Amazon?

2013 Goals in Review

Last year about this time, I posted my 2013 goals here.

This week, I went back to review those goals, and I didn't do so hot.  Turns out, you should review your goals periodically to make sure you are on track.  Just checking in on them after 51.5 weeks and expecting them to be magically completed is not an efficient way to make sure they are achieved. Good to know.
Let's review.

• Read the Bible all the way through. Nope.
• Write in a personal journal twice a week. Nada.
• Write a snail mail letter once a month.  Actually, I semi-completed this one. I wrote a letter nine out out of 12 months.  Compared to my progress in other areas, I'll accept it. Plus, as a bonus, I received a few snail mail letters this year.  I will aim to continue this tradition in the new year.
• Read 5 biographies. Nothing.
• Comment consistently on my friend's blogs. I feel like I did pretty good at this and now it's kind of a habit.  Sure, the majority of my friends blog less often now than they did at the beginning of the year, but I'm not going to take that as a personal reflection on my comments.  If you'd like to read my remaining consistent blogging friend's blog, check out The Striped Flamingo.
• Burn a candle more often. Check mark! I got a large candle for Christmas last year, and burned it all the way through by November. It feels good to accomplish something. Even if that something is burning a candle all the way through.
• Visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Checkity-Check-Check.  Butterbeer is delicious.
  

How'd you do on your 2013 goals?

Books of 2013

I didn't have any particular reading goals* in mind when I started 2013, but I'm pleased with where I ended up.  95 books!  I think I read so much because I am so overwhelmed by the number of books that exist in this world.  It's really very astounding. And then of course, there are all the books that I've read over the years and loved and therefore feel the need to re-read periodically. Those are denoted below with the asterisks. Read all the way to the end for reccomendations!

1. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak*, fiction
2. A Solitary Blue by Cynthia Voight*, young adult
3. The Runner by Cynthia Voight*, young adult
4. Death Comes to Pemberly by P.D. James, fiction
5. Looking for Alaska by John Green, young adult
6. Mudbound by Hillary Jordan, fiction
7. Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green, young adult
8. Seriously…I’m Kidding by Ellen DeGeneres, non fiction
9. Paper Towns by John Green, young adult
10. The Wishing Spell by Chris Golfer, children
11. Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery, children
12. The Leftovers by Tom Perrotta, fiction
13. Between Shades of Gray by Ruta Sepetys, fiction
14. An Abundance of Katherines by John Green, young adult
15. Anne of Avonlea by L.M. Montgomery, children
16. Anne of the Island by L.M. Montgomery, young adult
17. Anne of Windy Poplars by L.M. Montgomery, young adult
18. The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Stedman, fiction
19. Number the Stars by Lois Lowry, children
20. Anne’s House of Dreams by L.M. Montgomery, young adult
21. Behind the Beautiful Forevers: Life, Death and Hope in a Mumbai Undercity, non fiction
22. Caught by Margaret Peterson Haddix, children
23. Torn by Margaret Peterson Haddix, children
24. The Cavendish Home for Boys and Girls by Claire Legrand, young adult
25. Time and Again by Jack Finney, fiction
26. The False Prince by Jennifer Nielsen, young adult
27. Bond Girl by Erin Duffy, fiction
28. The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Zafon, fiction
29. Tiger Lily by Jodi Lynn Anderson, young adult
30. In the Shadow of Blackbirds by Cat Winters, young adult
31. The Runaway King by Jennifer Neilsen, young adult
32. The Magicians by Lev Grossman, fiction
33. The Magician King by Lev Grossman, fiction
34. The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver, fiction
35. Hyperion by Dan Simmons, fiction
36. Matilda by Roald Dahl, children
37. Prep by Curits Sittenfeld, young adult
38. Where’d You Go, Bernadette by Maria Semple, fiction
39. Under the Dome by Stephen King, fiction
40. Struck by Lightning: The Carson Phillips Journal by Chris Colfer, young adult
41. The Interestings by Meg Wolitzer, fiction
42. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life by Donald Miller
43. Church Unique: How Missional Leaders Cast Vision, Capture Culture and Create Movement by Will Mancini, non-fiction
44. The Hitman’s Guide to Housecleaning by Hallgrimur Helgason, fiction
45. The Primal Blueprint: Reprogram your Genes for Effortless Weight Loss, Vibrant Health and Boundless Energy by Mark Sisson, non-fiction
46. Joyland by Stephen King, fiction
47. The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman, fiction
48. American Wife by Curtis Sittenfeld, fiction
49. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, fiction
50. Life after Life by Kate Atkinson, fiction
51. Seige and Storm by Leigh Bardugo, young adult
52. In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day: How to Survive and Thrive when Opportunity Roars by Mark Batterson, non-fiction
53. Discover Your Optimal Health: The Guide to Taking Control of Your Weight, Your Vitality, Your Life by Wayne Scott Andersen, non-fiction
54. Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? By Mindy Kaling*, non-fiction
55. The Boo by Pat Conroy, fiction
56. The Mark of Athena by Rick Riordan, young adult
57. Penelope by Rebecca Harrington, young adult
58. The Cuckoo’s Calling By Robert Galbraith, fiction
59. Amelia Anne is Dead and Gone by Kat Rosenfeld, young adult
60. Blue Boy by Rakesh Satyal, fiction
61. A Summer to Die by Lois Lowry, young adult
62. The Last Time They Met by Anita Shreve, fiction
63. Wedding Night by Sophie Kinsella, fiction
64. The Boy Who Couldn’t Sleep and Never Had to by D.C. Pierson, young adult
65. Come a Stranger by Cynthia Voight*, young adult
66. Honest Doubt by Amanda Cross, fiction
67. The Tea Rose by Jennifer Donnelly, fiction
68. Seventeen Against the Dealer by Cynthia Voight*, young adult
69. The Winter Rose by Jennifer Donnelly, fiction
70. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, fiction
71. Reconstructing Amelia by Kimberly McCreight, young adult
72. Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock by Matthew Quick, young adult
73. Mad About the Boy by Helen Fielding, fiction
74. The Bride Wore Size 12 by Meg Cabot, fiction
75. The Wild Rose by Jennifer Donnelly, fiction
76. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling*, children
77. The Emerald Atlas by John Stephens, children
78. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling*, children 
79. Allegiant by Veronica Roth, young adult
80. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling*, children
81. Persuasion by Jane Austen*, fiction
82. Midnight in Austenland by Shannon Hale, fiction
83. Strengths Based Leadership: Great Leaders, Teams and Why People Follow, non-fiction
84. The Fire Chronicle by John Stephens, children 
85. The End of the Alphabet by C.S. Richardson, fiction
86. The Willoughbys by Lois Lowry, children
87. Gossamer by Lois Lowry, children
88. House of Hades by Rick Riordan, young adult
89. True Grit by Charles Portis, fiction
90. Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls by David Sedaris, non-fiction
91. The Golem and the Jinni by Helene Wecker, fiction
92. Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell, young adult
93. Mary Poppins by P.L. Travers, children
94. Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris, non-fiction
95. Mary Poppins Comes Back by P.L. Travers, children

Here are my favorites for the year:

Non-fiction: A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller. 

Adult fiction: Under the Dome and Life after Life

Children's/YA book: Anything by Lois Lowry, on this list or otherwise; seriously read them all

Historical fiction: The Tea Rose and its sequels, the Winter Rose and the Wild Rose

Fantasy book: The Magicians and its sequel, The Magician King

Children's/YA fantasy books: The Emerald Atlas and even more so, it's sequel The Fire Chronicle; also enjoyed the False Prince and its sequel the Runaway King

Classic: Persuasion, Anne of Green Gables

Time travel: Time and Again

*This is a lie. My only reading goal was to read five biographies. And unless the books of David Sedaris and Ellen DeGengeres count (which they don't in my mind), I didn't read any. I did attempt a few, but they were not my cuppa tea.