RIP Primal

It's been awhile since you heard from me, and I figure I owe you blog readers an update.
Drumroll, please.
I am no longer doing Primal.
Are you surprised or not surprised? Let me tell you the whole story.

I did Primal for three weeks.  During that time I was pretty much 95 percent on track with the Primal plan.  I didn't have any bread or pasta during that time. I gave up Diet Coke.  I did have rice a few times. And probably more fruit than you are supposed to have.  And I did go to this party once where I ate whatever I wanted, which included Oreos, among other things.  But still. Overall, I was pretty hard core.

At the end of 21 days, I weighed for the first time during the whole Primal experience.  I had a number in my head before I ever stepped on the scale that I expected to see.  It was 13 pounds less than the number I saw when I started.  Yes, 13 pounds would've been a lot to lose in 3 weeks.  Yes, any weight lost is a good thing.  Yes, I should not have been disappointed when I did finally step on the scale after being (mostly) hardcore for three weeks and saw that I lost 7 pounds.

That's right.  I went from eating as much processed food, breads, pastas, sugars, and general crap to eating what I felt was a very healthy diet of lean meats, fruits, veggies, some almond milk and some nuts and lost 7 pounds.

7 pounds in three weeks is good. After all, 2 pounds a week is the recommended weight loss. But it wasn't the number I had in my head.  And typically when I've done diets in the past, during the first week I lose more, like 5-7 pounds, and then pick up with 1 to 2 pounds a week after that.

After that, I felt broken. I couldn't get myself to stick to the strict Primal ways any more.  I tried to get back on it a few times, but just couldn't make myself.

I also couldn't bring myself to write this blog post weeks ago when all of this happened because I'm tired of trying and failing and telling the whole world about it.  It's embarrassing. Especially when the trying and failing time period is short. Keeping a blog is not a natural business, really. It's weird to tell the whole world your struggles.

In the end, I guess enough time has passed. Plus, people have been really interested and supportive of me-on-Primal, asking about it and whatnot, so I think an update is necessary.  I went to a few people's houses for dinner while I was doing Primal and they cooked Primal especially for me.  And once I went to this party and another guest asked what she could bring that I would be able to eat.  Those things were really, really nice and I appreciated them.

Luckily, I did not wallow in my Primal failures for too long.  I'm already on track with a new weight loss effort.  I'm not sure I'm ready to tell the whole world about it yet, but I do want you to know that I am moving forward.  This is one of the quotes on my vision board: "You are successful the moment you start moving toward a worthwhile goal." -Charles Carlson

The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

So it's been over a week, since I posted about the hunger-monster disaster that was day three.  Now I've been doing this so long I'm not even counting by days any more! Now I say "almost two weeks"!
I figure it's time to do a round up of how things have been going.

The Good.
Things have been going well for the most part. The only "fudges" I've had is
1) rice when I went to Chipotle with friends (have you had their rice? it is worth the splurge) and
2) some white wine*

I've been tempted some. I've come very close to giving up all hope and driving to Jimmy John's for their amazing white bread sub sandwiches. Last night I held a warm tortilla in my hand while I was feeding my niece. Do you know what it feels like to hold a warm tortilla and not eat it? It's definitely a form of torture.**  BUT, I've been resisting.  Right now my goal is to make it 21 days without major splurges. After that we will see.

I gave up diet coke (again).  I haven't had any junk food, ice cream or packaged food (aside from packaged raw nuts) in almost two weeks.  I'm only drinking water (and, see above, one night I had wine). This is unbelievable.

Right now, as I blog, I have crust-less pizza in the oven. I'm super excited about this.

The Bad.
I'm still hungry a lot.  Being hungry is when the crazy comes out and your mind will rationalize eating anything. Not sure what I'm doing wrong here. Mister Primal Man seems to think you will be less hungry when eating Primal.

I've been really irritable this week.*** I'm not sure if that's related to being hungry, or stress or problems I've been having with my car. But I'm not usually this easy to anger and I don't like it.

Groceries are expensive!  Each week I think that I will spend less and then I end up spending more. And I'm not even going organic or grass-fed like Mister Primal Man wants.   Plus, I'm running back to the store mid-week for fresh produce. I HATE going to the store more than once a week

The Ugly
Groceries are expensive!  I thought about showing you my grocery bill, but I can't. It's embarrassing. Each week I think that I will spend less and then I end up spending more. And I'm not even going fully organic or grass-fed like Mister Primal Man wants.   Plus, I'm running back to the store mid-week for fresh produce. I HATE going to the store more than once a week.


*red wine is okay because of the antioxidants.  I think white wine is not a horrible choice (better than that wheat monster, beer!) but it's just not on the approved list from Mister Primal Man.
**while you may say, "Jill, that warm tortilla was for your niece. Would you literally take food that is meant for the mouth of a baby?" and my answer to that is, "Of course I would. I'M ON A NO-CARB DIET, FRIENDS.  There is nothing I wouldn't put past me when it comes to warm carbs.  Plus, there was no way that little girl would eat that whole tortilla anyway."
***No, it is not my period.

It won't always be easy

The first day was great.
The second day was harder.
The third stunk.

I'm still not having trouble "Just Saying No" to bread or processed foods* really. But I have been consistently hungry for two days.  And extremely tired. The tiredness, granted, is not Primal's fault, but does make it harder to feel excited about this new way of eating that I've decided to embark on for the REST OF MY LIFE. And harder to think clearly and determine a healthy, filling way to eat.

Last night, I lay on my couch watching Netflix, because I was too tired to go for a walk or mow the lawn.** I had eaten dinner but was still hungry. I had been hungry all day, so I had a low tolerance. I tried to think of something healthy to eat, but could only think "I'm sick of all berries, smoothies, veggies and eggs."  Plus, did I mention I was tired?  So I never got up and never ate anything and eventually went to bed hungry.

And this was after the disaster that was dinner.  I came home from work sooo hungry.  Knew the portion of pork roast and salad that I had planned for dinner was not going to cut it.  Decided to make these pancakes and a smoothie,***  in addition to the pork roast and salad. But I couldn't decide what to make first so I put a pan on the stove to start warming up while I made the smoothie.

The smoothie was a disaster from the get go. I did not get my ratio of frozen berries to milk right, which means I had basically a solid to drink instead of a liquid at the end. I couldn't get all of the berries to blend (because there were too many), so I had to keep stopping the blender and pushing the berries down toward the blade.  Finally it finished and it wouldn't pour out of the blender into my waiting cup and bottle because it was so thick.  I scraped it out messily with a spoon. Then I went to take a nice gulp and the whole solid mass slid from the bottom of the cup at once with a kerplat!  I ended up not being able to see out of my glasses and looked like this:

And then I rushed to get my phone, so I could
capture this moment for you guys.  And
my phone is still sticky, BTW. Also, I think
my nose is crooked. See how my glasses sit at
an angle? Or maybe my ears are uneven. Or maybe
just the force from the smoothie kerplat!
knocked them askew. Mystery.

So I cleaned up the mess and then decided to move back to the pancakes. The minute I put the "batter"**** down, it seared into a blackened mess.  Unedible. I had had the pan "warming" on high for like 15 minutes and it was way too hot! I let that cool and did the dishes from the smoothie.  After it cooled I scraped the mess off the pan and tried to drop the batter for the last pancake.  But the pan was still too hot and it instantly burned again.  Plus, I maybe did not do a great job at mashing the banana so the "batter" was more like eggs with some lumps of banana mixed in.  I will not be trying this recipe again for awhile, to say the least.

In the end, I resorted back to the originally planned pork roast and salad and had just a few cautious sips of the smoothie before putting the rest in the fridge for today. And I will be drinking it through a straw today for safety's sake. It's become a bit more liquid in the interim.

Every day won't be like day three.  That's what I've got to tell myself, right?


*I maybe should've mentioned my one caveat to the "no processed foods" rule: Diet Coke. I know I will need to give it up eventually, and I am weening myself off of it right now, but it is still being consumed. By me. Daily. But only once a day, which is progress.
**in my defense it was my only night available this week for such laziness, as I have packed my week with walking dates and other engagements.
***I needed a smoothie pre-ready for breakfast today, so that was killing two birds with one stone.
****I put "batter" in quotes because, can it really be called batter when it is just eggs and banana?

Primal Plunge

You may be sick of hearing about my first steps into the Primal eating lifestyle, but it's what's going on in my world, so it's more Primal for you tonight!

I had planned to just try and do primal breakfast and lunch this week, but yesterday I just decided to take the plunge and go fully Primal. The big challenge the Primal people issue is to try Primal for 21 days.  So I figured if I started this week then I should know by the beginning of August if this is something I want to do for the rest of my life (no pressure).  You know, just if I can tell a difference in my energy level, how clothes are fitting, immune system.*

Two things have developed in the two days I've been doing this:
1) People have mentioned bread, offered me bread or I've had a stray thought about some M&Ms or something.  But instead of feeling bad about not being able to eat it, I've just been thinking (and automatically, I haven't been forcing myself to think this way) "That's not something I do." And by "do", I mean "eat."  Just a statement of fact, no feelings of sadness or guilt attached. This has been a great gift.

2) I've decided not to weigh at all while I'm doing this.  While I obviously hope to lose weight by doing this, I want to be less focused on watching the numbers go down. Instead, I want to be more focused on eating more fruits and veggies and less processed foods for my current and future health.  This is a big departure from how I've done things in the past, but I feel great about it.

I know I used to hate listening to people go on and on about a particular diet they were on.  "Just give up X, and you'll lose weight like crazy!" I never wanted to give up anything, and I got easily tired of the proselytizing. I don't think I will ever try to convert people to Primal eating, but I'm holding on to hope for me right now.


*The immune system one may sound weird but I feel like the last several years I've been getting colds a lot more often, and I've had a cough now for over a month. One of the "perks" of Primal eating is supposed to be a boost to your immune system, so we'll see.

Primal Progress

After writing this blog last week about the possibility of going Primal, several things happened:

1) Several people told me to "start small"
2) One person sent me several links to recipe websites containing healthy primal recipes
3) Several people wanted to know more about Primal, since I did not do much in the way of explaining it (I feel like people around me are always deciding to go Primal or Paleo, so I just assumed it was that way for everyone and that everyone knew what I meant when I referred to primal eating)
4) I bizarrely* found myself reading four different non-fiction books at the same time.  One was the Primal Blueprint, which I had mentioned.  But two others had lessons for me about living without fear and overcoming.**

So, I decided to start small by abandoning Oreos and eating primal breakfasts all week.  And, guess what? I was able to stick to this plan.  Breakfast has always been a difficult meal for me.  I don't know why, maybe because I'm not much of a morning person.  But this week, I had scrambled eggs, omelets or smoothies every morning.  Gone were my breakfast biscuits and morning BoJangles stops.  I used to have a huge egg hatred, but I seem to have mostly outgrown that. Although I still don't think I could stomach eating like a hard boiled egg or a soft boiled egg.  Blech.  The smoothies were great alternatives for me on my early gym mornings, because I made it the night before and just grabbed it on my way out the door in the morning.  I also pre-made smoothies for a trip out of town this weekend. I wasn't sure what the hosts would have available for breakfast and I wanted to be prepared.

The links to the Primal recipe websites got me at least started exploring for Primal recipes that sounded good.  I made a tasty and beautiful, Red, White and Blue Salad and I found several recipes that I bookmarked for future use.

I still should not be the one to explain Primal to you, but I am a lot farther along in the book.  It is basically, eating the way the cavemen would have eaten (and moving the way they would've moved, too).  It involves eliminating grains and legumes, but they do not call themselves a "low carb diet" because most low carb diets limit your veggie intake as well, because they contain carbs too.  Primal encourages you to eat animals and their eggs, lots of veggies and plenty of fruit. There's a lot of scientific explanations in the book that honestly read like a foreign language to me. But if you're into that kind of thing, you might really enjoy reading it.

I wish I'd written a whole blog post earlier this week about what I learned from these two books about fear and facing it and overcoming.  But I didn't and while I do have a residue of what I picked up from them, I don't think I'll be able to articulate it well now. To give you an idea, here's one quote that resonated with me from A Million Miles in a Thousand Years:

The most often repeated commandment in the Bible is "Do not fear." It's in there over 200 times...it means we are going to be afraid but we shouldn't let fear boss us around...fear isn't  only a guide to keep us save, it's a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life.***

I think what I gained most from reading these books**** was that I need to adjust my thinking.  So instead of thinking, there's no way I'm going to live without processed foods, I've been thinking, "Won't I feel so much better when stop eating so much crap?"

I've been slowly transitioning my fridge and cabinets.  I just got back from the store and cooked up a breakfast, a snack, a lunch and a dinner, so my fridge is fully of nutritious, fresh and primal foods.  It feels good.  I think this week my goal will be to eat Primal breakfasts every day, and continue to eat primal as much as I can. I'm not ready to say I'm eliminating carbs completely this week, but I am prepared for a mostly primal week.

So, that's probably way more than you ever wanted to know about me and my plans to transition to primal, but there it is. Thoughts?

*Bizarre because I never read non-fiction and very rarely read more than one book at a time
**The fourth one was about church leadership and visioning, which while helpful, did not have many applicable lessons to overcoming my eating issues.
***The ellipses mean I left out some stuff in between there, but this is the gist of it.
****The 2nd book is "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day"

101 Reasons for Abby

Two years ago my best friend Amie wrote a note on Facebook, called "101 Reasons Why I Love Jill Stuckey."  It blew me away, so last year, I made a list of 101 reasons why I love her.  

Today is our friend Abby's birthday and together Amie and I wrote a list of reasons we love Abby.  In the list, our responses are all mixed up together so when you see "Me" or "I" you'll just have to guess whether it's Amie or myself speaking (here's a hint: when Amie's husband Daniel (D) is referred to, the "me" is probably Amie).

I think when you read this list, even if you don't know Abby personally, you get a great picture of a good, loving, adventurous and selfless person. That's Abby.  

If you do know Abby personally, please join the fun and list a thing or two that you love about her in the comments.

1. The force with which Abby tackled Meghan at the volleyball court.
2. She encouraged me regularly in my effort to lose weight. 
3. When Abby and Bryan forced me and D to go on a spontaneous hike with them - I think this started our friendship.
4. She really loves listening to conversations between her husband Bryan and I (my questions/his knowledge).
5. Abby and Bryan hosting fusion lunches at their Hamilton's  Bay apt.
6. It is easy to have adventures with her. 
7. Introducing me to Pad Thai!
8. She only calls kids "children."
9. Helping them move every time! 
10. She loves to clamber on rocks like me. 
11. How happy I was when Abby told me she was pregnant with Anna. I fell down in the middle of the church lobby. 
12. Daniel's reaction: "Now that's a baby I'm excited about."
13. She decided to read the bible in a year and then did. Twice. And a half. 
14. Our Jekyll/Brunswick Memories: Saint Andrew's rope swing, the house on Wolfe street, making friends with the community people, King & Prince, driftwood beach, Jill swimming the Jekyll River
15. She doesn't lose her patience with her children.
16. Riding in the back of the truck together. 
17. She loves.
18. She made my first triathlon an experience of a lifetime because of the signs she and Anna made. 
19. She can drive a stick. 
20. Watching Amelie at camp.
21. She is brave. 
22. Making the signs for Jill's triathlon.
23. She is kind to all. 
24. Being present when both England kids went in the ocean for the first time.
25. She actually can take captive every thought. 
26. Hiking Crowders with Anna when she was extremely little.
27. She knitted me a beautiful scarf. 
28. Being the official England Family Photographer.
29. She is one of my favorite hug givers. 
30. Abby taking me on a walk behind her old Clover house. We saw a turtle laying eggs.
31. She has a sense of style all her own. 
32. Abby's green hand/love shirt.
33. She's an ocean-loving wave jumper. 
34. Staying up late in Brunswick chatting in the living room on the night of our arrival every time.
35. She is supportive of both of my sisters.
36. Visiting the Community and drinking the red kool-aid.
37. She fearlessly talks to strangers. 
38. Walking across the Jekyll bridge and getting caught in the rain.
39. She is quite the cook. 
40. Eating soup and crab cake sandwiches at SeaJays. 
41. Being there when she both bought and lost her wedding ring.
42. Always taking pictures with the giant gorilla at Larry's Subs.
43. One day in June about 9 years ago, I called her to see if she wanted to do something and she said "I can't, I'm getting married today. "
44. Climbing trees at Driftwood Beach.
45. Catching a baby shark at the Jekyll pier!!! Neo!!
46. She made me realize I wanted to visit the Grand Canyon when I had never wanted to before. 
47. How much Abby and I both love chicken salad from Chick-fil-a. 
48. She's overcome her anger issues. 
49. How badass Abby is when she does a mud run, until she starts going blind.
50. Having Wednesday dinners at Wang and king pre kids.
51. That Abby bought us a crepe maker! 
52. How good of a cook she thinks I am. And how good of a cook I think she is. 
53. Her transparency.
54. She is good at being a wife.
55. Her ability to see her mom's total insanity and still love her.
56. She doesn't want for anything. 
57. Her commitment to helping me survive as a teacher.
58. She really cares about Fusion. 
59. That she can drive a bus.
60. That she gave me her car for almost a year!
61. That she taught me to drive a stick shift. 
62. She says "that's special" and really means it. 
63. That she reads the Bible everyday without fail as if it is the easiest thing ever. 
64. She has horrible headaches, but doesn't let that stop her. 
65. Her love of bonfires and Christmas carols and lemon water. 
66. That she has an engagement toboggan. 
67. When Talbot confused me and D with Bryan and Abby. D said it was the best compliment Talbot ever gave us.
68. She really loves kids.
69. Her love of being and sleeping outside.
70. She is very strong.
71. She looks at all people like Jesus did. 
72. That she hikes mountains with babies all over her, without complaint.
73. That she hiked the Grand Canyon with Anna.
74. She loves to help people move.  
75. When Abby taught a Bible study lesson at a women's retreat and she said, "How do we show God that we love him? By following the 10 commandments. And by recycling." 
76. She has beautiful children. 
77. How much and how well she loves Bryan. And that they can't play settlers of Catan together anymore. 
78. That she plays the recorder.
79. She was in my same Good Shepherd membership class. 
80. She has great conversations with Talbot.
81. We've been friends for 10 years.  
82. She gives great running hugs.
83. She does not own a TV. 
84. But she and Bryan watched The Office faithfully for awhile because of me. 
85. She did not understand a Quincinera. 
86. That she and Bryan used to exchange love notes in runes.
87. She makes me peanut butter pie on my birthday. 
88. That Bryan's mom found out about Abby because one of her hairs was left in their house.
89. How much Abby loves Christmas Adam.
90. Her enthusiasm. 
91. Her amazing collection of graphic tees.
92. She's a mom, but not an annoying one. 
93. Her love of flowy skirts.
94. She's a wildcard mafia player. 
95. We swim long distances together. 
96. Her commitment to only posting positive things on Facebook.
97. She used to be Abi. Now she's Abby, because she no longer feel the need to be rebellious. 
98. Her love of contra dancing.
99. She's a great blogger/writer when she does it. 
100. She loves Moe's.
101. She's a faithful follower of my blog.  
     
     
     
     

Scared Pantsless

I've just started reading the Primal Blueprint.  Literally just started. I'm 8 pages in and haven't finished the introduction. But I had to stop and write this blog because I'm already freaking out. Can I really switch to primal eating? Is it possible?

Primal, from what I've gathered in 8 pages and a perusal of the cover, advocates a high fat, no grain, no processed foods approach to eating.  The cover says the Primal Blueprint will "reprogram your genes for effortless weight loss, vibrant health and boundless energy."

That sounds pretty good to me.

I know several people who have given up grains or carbs, and they have typically had such a good experience that they want to convert you.  I'm sure we've all had this conversation with those around us who've gone low-carb or Paleo or Primal or whathaveyou. I, for one, typically just shut my ears to their entreaties while exclaiming "I could never live without bread -- or pasta!"

It seems silly and extreme to me to eliminate a whole food group.  Much more sane to not cut oneself off but allow all things in moderation.  Heck, I've lost weight before (more than once, it turns out) and I've always done it by playing the calorie counting game. Consume less calories then you expend and you will lose weight.

BUT

1. I can't bring myself to diet in the traditional way again. Losing all of that weight, then gaining it back and then continually trying to lose it again has damaged something in me (mentally).
2. I need to lose weight. Honesty check: I don't easily fit in seats at all movie theatres or stadiums anymore and the thought of traveling somewhere by plane makes me really nervous because of my size. I'm missing out on 3/4 of my wardrobe because of the weight I've gained, and I don't want to have health issues when I'm older.
3. I am tired a lot and dread working out because of how much harder it is with all of this extra weight.

Things could stand to change.

So, what I'm committing to right now is suspending my disbelief, reading this book, and seriously considering following its principles.  And, apparently, apologizing to all of those who've tried to convert me to giving up wheat/grains/carbs previously and watched while I plugged my ears and said my line about not living without bread.

But really, the whole thing scares me pantsless.

You know what actually scares me more than giving up grains? Giving up processed foods. How will I live without Oreos?