Unleashing the Crazy

Be prepared, I'm about to unleash a little bit of my crazy on you.

I've been thinking more about yesterday's declaration that I am no longer a runner.  Maybe I was a bit rash to write off running.  Here's the thing. Running and weight loss are tied up, rather inexplicably, in my mind.  Both are very hard for me. Both can be very frustrating.  Both make me feel like a failure. Both are things I will have to continue working at forever in order to keep up with them. I don't really expect either to ever get easy.

Giving up on running feels like giving up on weight loss.  And perhaps when I wrote the blog yesterday, that was essentially what I was saying (how very astute of Cindy to pick up on this in the comments section!).  I'm frustrated with my attempts at weight loss. To be clear, it is not my body's fault.  I blame my mind.  I just can't seem to make it more than a day or two (at most) at being back on track. 

It sounds stupid to say out loud, but I get sad at the thought of trying to get back on track. It's so much work, I can't eat my favorite foods, etc.  In case you were wondering, the Candy Diet, I said I was trying back in January was a bust. It just gave me an excuse to buy candy at the store, which I then gobbled up in whatever fashion I deemed most appropriate. (ie I was not eating just one chocolate-y delight a day)  I seem to be an all or nothing kind of girl. Also, it was horrible for my complexion.

It seems harder now, because we're moving into summer.  It's been almost a full year since I was really doing great with healthy eating. I've gained roughly fifty pounds since last May.  I'm only down 40 pounds from where I started this journey in August of 2009.  Most of the clothes I wore last summer don't fit any more. This is all a problem.  The diagram on the right shows that it is more than just a wardrobe issue.  When clothes don't fit, it affects my mood, which affects my eating, which affects my clothes not fitting.  It's a vicious cycle.

So the clothes don't fit, but also, I keep seeing pictures from last summer when I was happy with my size.  That makes me not happy with my current size, but not the sort of righteous unhappiness that encourages changes. Nope, just sad.

And I hate writing blogs like this (although I do feel they are necessary both for me to be honest with you and for me to be honest with myself). I will likely end up with a handful of comments from you guys encouraging me (which I appreciate, more than you know)  But in the end, you guys can try to help me so much your face turns blue in a supportive effort, but I'm the one who has to make the daily, hourly decisions.  It's all up to me. 

Random thought: I wish I could hire a personal chef.

Random follow-up thought: how selfish am I that I complain about food/cooking when I have so much easy access to food? I'm blessed to have such a problem as this.

PS March 21 is World Down Syndrome Day.  In honor, I give you this adorable badge of my niece Natalie, now 14 months.

I am no longer a runner

Please no longer refer to me as a "runner" or "someone who runs" or ask me questions about running or running accessories or races.

I am no longer a runner.

I'm not trying to be dramatic.  I'm just trying to tell the whole world at once.   So we're all clear.

Today I went out for my first run in a week. I decided to take it easy on myself and only run 5 minute intervals- that means five minutes of running for everyone one minute of walking.  I got halfway through the first interval and had to look down at my watch.  Looking down at my watch means I'm struggling to continue to run, and I've got to look at it to see if I can make it the remaining bit.  When I looked down I still had two minutes to go.  I distracted myself long enough to make it to that first five minute timer, but on each successive "run" period, I ran only a minute or two. The last three "run" periods I didn't run at all.

The same thing happened last week on the one day I attempted to run (yes, I was lazy last week while I was on vacation and did not even attempt to run).

I don't know what it is that makes me now declare I will no longer be a runner.  I think it's partly that I've gained weight. I think it's partly that I'm spotty in actually getting my run workouts in.  I think it's partly that I have a defeatist attitude toward running.  I think it's partly that I'd rather be swimming. I think it is partly that it is already 80 degrees so I'm sweating just standing outside, let alone running. I'm just frustrated with it.

What this means is that I will not be racing any more.  Races are fun, but only when you actually have a shot at meeting any sort of goal. The goals can be anything, like running faster than your last race time or running the whole distance or running longer intervals.  Right now the only goal I could meet is to finish the whole 5k.  Not finish in any sort of time, but just make it the entire three miles.  And I've already done that a few times, so there's nothing special in it.

I did inadvertently sign up for a 5k that supports a good cause this Saturday, before I decided to no longer be a runner.  I think I'll just walk it.  (Side note to LJ-sorry I signed for the running team when it turns out I am actually a walker. But I am excited to see you wear that tutu!)

I don't know what this means for my triathlons.  The first one I'm seriously considering doing is June 9, so perhaps my feelings toward running could change before then.  Or perhaps I'll just walk the run portion.  I'm not sure.  I don't think I'm ready to give up tris yet.

Anyway, I thought you all should know.

On a more pleasant note, Happy First Day of Spring!

Dogwoods are my favorite tree-flower.

On T-shirts

I receive a LOT of free t-shirts.  Between church events, races, presents and my work, I should never pay money for a t-shirt (yet, I still sometimes do.)

Before I started on this weight loss journey two and a half years ago, my after-work wardrobe was comprised almost strictly of t-shirts.

About two years ago now, I began packing away my X-Large t-shirts. I wore less t-shirts as I became more comfortable in my body, and those that I did wear were newly acquired Larges.  But as I gave away my other, larger items of clothing, I couldn't bear to part with my t-shirts. Sounds silly, but each one represented something.  Maybe it was a particular church trip or a group I was a part of in college (yes, I was still wearing shirts from college eight years later), but the t-shirts held memories, so I packed them in drawers instead of giving them away.

My intent, at the time, was to have them sewn into a quilt.  Maybe not the classiest of projects, but I liked the idea that it would give life to my t-shirts that I could no longer wear. But of course, plans for craft projects are often just plans and never actually completed, so my t-shirts stayed in drawers.

That is until this week when I got fed up with the tightness of my Large t-shirts.  See, I have accumulated quite the collection of Larges in the last two years, but recently I've only been wearing a few that are more "forgiving." So this week, I broke down and opened the drawer that contained my X-Larges.  I pulled them all out, with mixed emotions.  Happy to see these shirts that represent good memories, but sad because needing the X-Larges again means I've regained a lot of my former weight.

I washed them and now they hang in the closet (yes, I hang t-shirts), and some of the Larges have been moved to storage.

Yesterday's X-Large shirt debut

Pulling out the X-Larges felt something like defeat, but when I pulled on one yesterday, it was also a relief.  Relief to feel clothes that are too big, rather than too small. Relief that they are longer than the Larges, which means they're better at hiding my (now) wide(r) hips and butt.

I think I've been trying not to notice that I've been gaining weight, consistently for about 10 months.  I don't very weigh often any more because I'm afraid of what numbers I'll see.

I don't write this to get sympathy or because I feel sad.  I write it more of a place of wanting to be honest with you.  There are those of you who read this blog faithfully, and I think I owe it to you to let you know that I am not exactly succeeding at the whole "and not found" part of this blog.  It doesn't mean I've given up. It just means I have to keep trying.

PS I'm heading to Alabama, Mississippi and Georgia the rest of the week, so I may not be regular in posting.  Happy Spring Break!

You Want to TRI

I'm excited because I actually got some response to my call for triathletes on Wednesday!

Hooray!

It wasn't an overwhelming response, but a handful of truly awesome people said they were interested in learning more about triathlon event options.* And it occurred to me that maybe I should've had a race in mind when I decided to stir this pot.

However, I have since done my due diligence (did I use that phrase correctly?), and thought I'd post a few options, arranged by location and then by date:

Charlotte/Columbia/Rock Hill:
Tri Latta June 9: 750 meter lake swim/ 17 mile bike/ 5k run
Tri the Midlands June 23: 500 meter lake swim/ 14 mile bike/ 5k run
Sprint at Stumpy Creek August 5: 750 meter lake swim/ 16 mile bike/ 5k run
Tri for Abbey September 22: 500 meter lake swim/ 14 mile bike/ 5k run (This is the one I volunteered for last September)

Coastal areas of North Carolina/South Carolina/Georgia
Turtle Crawl Triathlon, May 19: 400 meter ocean swim/ 14.5 mile bike/ 5k run
Trybee Island Sprint, June 10: 750 meter ocean swim/ 20k bike (app. 12.5 miles)/5k run
Folly Beach Splash N Dash, July 28: 750 meter swim/ no bike/ 5k
North Myrtle Beach Triathlon, September 8: 700 yard ocean swim/ 13 mile mile bike/ 5k run
(Advantage of coastal tris: absolutely flat biking and running opportunities)

Other
Hot Dam Tri, September 9: 750 meter lake swim/ 20k bike(app. 12.5 miles)/ 5k run (this race is on the SC/GA border)
Lake Lanier Islands Tri, September 30: 400 yard swim/ 13 mile bike/ 5k run (this race is near GA)

So there's some options for you.  Some are sooner (June) and some are later (September). Some are ocean swims and some are lake swims (sorry, no pool swims for me). Some are close by so that you don't have to pay for travel and accommodations, and some are on the coast.

Let me know which one you want to do!

*Most disappointingly, my dad claims he is not interested (Him: "I can't even spell triathlon!" Me: "Luckily that's not one of the requirements." We are witty people, Stuckeys.) and my mom says she doesn't want dad to do it because he could get hurt.  We'll see if I can convince them in person when I visit next week.

Thankful Thursdays: March 8

It's the best day of the week! (Aside from Friday and Saturday. And maybe Tuesday.) It's Thankful Thursday!

Today I'm thankful that:

I finally got to meet Spencer Carnes. 

The first-born son of one of my former roommates, Glenda, and her husband Justin, he was born on February 10, but I couldn't go see him because of that nagging cold/sinus infection I had.   I finally got to meet him this week and he was as perfect as I expected him to be! Congratulations Glenda and Justin!  

It's finally March, which means the Hunger Games movie premieres later this month!

These people make me laugh. 
They also take good pictures. Taylor, are you sure you don't want to move back to CLT?

Springtime running means I can wear my awesome new hat.
I'm not sure this picture accurately captures the beautiful color of this hat. I call it electric blue.

Blackberries taste so sweet.
They are officially my favorite fruit.  OF ALL TIME.  Look at this monster.

Spring break is next week!  

Which to me means ROAD TRIP!  Sure last year I spent spring break in England and France.  This year I'm heading to Jackson, Mississippi to see the little sis (who I am also thankful for this week...her 24th birthday was on Monday!). I'm sure both trips will be similarly cultural.  

Now it's your turn. It's Thursday, so what are you thankful for??

You Know You Want To

DO a TRIATHLON with ME!*

Look at that face. You know
you want to do a tri with
that girl!

Okay, maybe your first thought when I say "You know you want to do a triathlon with me" is more like "H, no," rather than, "Oh, Jill, I've just been sitting here waiting for you to ask me and now I'm so glad you did so that I can be cool like you."

But I think you should reconsider. Why? Here's why.

1) Swimming/biking/and running keeps your workout routine varied and interesting.
2) Nothing is cooler than being able to say "I'm a triathlete." Trust me.
3) People seem to think that triathlons are  impressive.  They will likely come to cheer you on and maybe make a sign or two (see picture.)
4) It will take effort, but that makes it all the more worth it.
5) I've done it. If I've done it, you can do it.  Period.
6) I will help you figure out what you're doing!
And that's just off the top of my head!

I'm not talking about doing some crazy distance Ironman or anything like that. I'm talking a sprint distance tri.  These usually have short swims (around 500 meters or 20 lengths in my pool), bike rides that seem to take forever (between 12-18 miles) but at least you're sitting down during that part, and 5k runs.  But you know what? If you can't run, you can always walk or run/walk that.

If you've never raced at all you may think you should start with something smaller, with less moving parts. And I agree.  But there's plenty of time between now and your undetermined triathlon glory day to do a 5k or two to see what racing is like.

If you have raced in running races before, but are bewildered by the many legs of the tri, don't be! The most complicated part is getting a bike with two wheels, if you don't already have one.  It doesn't need to be anything fancy, though, and maybe you could even borrow one.  The other complicated part is you do need access to a pool for training.  But we can talk about all of that later.

Here's a list of people who I know happen to read this blog at least occasionally, who I think could train for and complete a triathlon. (in no particular order) Get ready, I'm about to call you out:
1) My dad
2) Cindy
3) Amie
4) Abi
5) April
6) Jess
7) Monica
8) Toby
9) Taylor
10) Cara
11) Britt
12) Jenna
13) Laura J.
14) Matt C.
15) my brother (who does not read this blog, but should totally be triathloning this summer)

Okay, this basically turned into a list of most people I know who read my blog and work out regularly.  Because you can ALL do this. You just have to decide to do it.

March is a great time to start training for a tri.  They're mostly held May through October when the water is warmer, so there is plenty of time.  If I've just blown your mind, and you want to look at particular events with me or ask questions about training or racing, PLEASE let me know.

*If you have never swum at all before or have a big fear of the water, I'm not saying you should not consider doing a triathlon, but I am saying that you may want to work on that first.

Special Vlog post!

Last week my friend April tagged me in a Vlog (Vlog=video blog) about her favorite things, which means I needed to create a Vlog about my favorite things.

Specifically she said I needed to include favorite things that are:

• Something old
• Something new
• Something small
• Something food

Check out the vlog below, and let me know if you'd like to see more vlogs from me in the future. (Or if I should stick to writing.)