Wednesday I'll be going to the doctor* for the first time in two and a half years. I'm nervous.
I've only seen this doctor a handful of times, and every time she has told me that I am severely overweight and I need to change my eating habits and exercise more. Every time she said this it was true, but sometimes the truth hurts. I would leave thinking, "What does she think I'm stupid? I know I'm overweight, she doesn't have to be so mean about it."
I last went to her in January 2009. When I left I said to myself that I would not go back until I lost 100 pounds, which I never really expected to happen. I thought that I was just writing off doctor visits for the rest of my life.
While I haven't lost 100 pounds yet, I have made major changes in my life and have seen great results from that. I'd like to have a conversation with her about the plateau I've been on for the last few months, how I can shake things up to begin losing again, and what my ultimate weight loss goal should be (I suspect it should be more than 100 pounds, but first things first).
I hope that we can have an honest and open conversation that will help me succeed, but I'm still scared. I'm scared she will say that I am overweight and that I still have a long way to go (according to BMI charts, I should lose 140 pounds total, but that just doesn't seem right for my body type.) I don't know what I weighed when I last visited her, so the pounds lost may not be quite as impressive (although it will still be a significant amount.)
Anyway, I try to be honest with you blog readers, and that is what I'm thinking/worrying about this week. I'll let you know how it goes.
*No need for concern, it's just for a physical.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
This One's For the Girls
So I wrote yesterday that there was a point when I was questioning why I chose to go on this youth mission trip last week, but what I didn't tell you was what happened to turn it around.
I was just hanging out one night when one of the girls asked me if we could talk. She didn't want anyone to overhear what she had to say, so we decided to take a walk. As soon as we were away from the others she said, "I hate being fat. What can I do about it?"
This took me by complete surprise. This was a very young girl who I did not know very well and who does not know about my weight loss journey (we just recently met). Immediately, though, I knew it wasn't an accident that she decided to tell me about her struggle. She didn't know it, but no one understands being unhappy with their weight more than I do.
Oddly, though, as much as I talk about my own weight loss and healthy living on this blog, I was a little unsure of what to say. She's too young to begin a cycle of dieting; she's really just a kid. So I started by asking why she thinks she is fat. When she responded that she is bigger than the other girls, I tried to remind her that God made each of our bodies differently, and that I think she is beautiful.
That didn't seem to be enough, so I also told her that as she grows, she'll get taller and her weight will likely stay the same, making her look differently. But she kept pressing me about what she could do now to change, so I asked her what she eats and what she does after school. Her food sounded fairly well-balanced, but she doesn't do any activities after school so I suggested going for a walk after school. Talking about it and having this small plan seemed to be enough to make her feel better right then.
This kind of thing is the reason I work with students, girls especially. Self esteem and body issues run rampant in middle and high school girls (and adults too). It's hard to believe you are beautiful and made in God's image when you feel like you look different than the others and the most important thing to you is fitting in. I wish I got to have more frank conversations like this with the girls I work with, but its a difficult subject to have honest conversation about. So for now I remain open to the conversations when they happen, but mostly just a positive and encouraging friend to these beautiful young ladies the rest of the time.
Body-related self esteem issues suck.
I was just hanging out one night when one of the girls asked me if we could talk. She didn't want anyone to overhear what she had to say, so we decided to take a walk. As soon as we were away from the others she said, "I hate being fat. What can I do about it?"
This took me by complete surprise. This was a very young girl who I did not know very well and who does not know about my weight loss journey (we just recently met). Immediately, though, I knew it wasn't an accident that she decided to tell me about her struggle. She didn't know it, but no one understands being unhappy with their weight more than I do.
Oddly, though, as much as I talk about my own weight loss and healthy living on this blog, I was a little unsure of what to say. She's too young to begin a cycle of dieting; she's really just a kid. So I started by asking why she thinks she is fat. When she responded that she is bigger than the other girls, I tried to remind her that God made each of our bodies differently, and that I think she is beautiful.
That didn't seem to be enough, so I also told her that as she grows, she'll get taller and her weight will likely stay the same, making her look differently. But she kept pressing me about what she could do now to change, so I asked her what she eats and what she does after school. Her food sounded fairly well-balanced, but she doesn't do any activities after school so I suggested going for a walk after school. Talking about it and having this small plan seemed to be enough to make her feel better right then.
This kind of thing is the reason I work with students, girls especially. Self esteem and body issues run rampant in middle and high school girls (and adults too). It's hard to believe you are beautiful and made in God's image when you feel like you look different than the others and the most important thing to you is fitting in. I wish I got to have more frank conversations like this with the girls I work with, but its a difficult subject to have honest conversation about. So for now I remain open to the conversations when they happen, but mostly just a positive and encouraging friend to these beautiful young ladies the rest of the time.
Body-related self esteem issues suck.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
What I Did This Week
I'm a bad blogger. I took my camera on our Spring Breakthrough trip and only took one picture with it. I took a handful more with my camera phone, and stole a few more of the ones below from Facebook. Unfortunately, none of the pictures below reflect the awesomeness of this week (or, actually, any of the hard work we did).
I'll be honest, Wednesday night I began to question my sanity in choosing to go on this trip. I was dealing with a lack of sleep after nights spent in a camp bed, missing my own shower, floating in a sea of drama in the middle school girls cabin I was living in, witnessing lots of high school heartbreak and physically exhausted from manual labor.
That was just one night, though. I really do love these students. Not only did they choose to use their spring break serving and loving others, they did it willingly. Yeah, the drama and the heartbreak and the camp beds are probably always going to be a part of of youth ministry, but being able to serve alongside these students every day and be a part of their lives for five days outweighs such minor inconveniences.
 |
| The whole crew |
 |
| My beautiful and hardworking team! |
 |
| During a lunch break we jumped |
 |
| And jumped |
 |
| And jumped. |
 |
| And jumped. |
 |
| Twins! |
 |
| Another group pic of my crew on a break. |
 |
| I love these guys |
 |
| Here are a few of us covered in paint in our beloved van. |
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Spring BreakThrough
It's time for me to give you the high sign that I will not be posting next week. Instead, I will be using a week's vacation time to drive about 10 teenagers around Charlotte. Our van (which, BTW will be rocking) will be just one of several teams of teens and adults who are using their spring break to do something that counts. Each day we will load up and head to a different ministry site. Some days we might be doing hard labor, some days we might be playing with children, other days just sitting and talking with people who need someone to listen.
Sometimes when I tell people how I'm spending my vacation, I get sort of a crazy look. The "why would you want to spend your free time with teenagers" look. But these kids inspire me and challenge me and are some of my great friends. It's gonna be a wonderful week.
To get an idea of what it's like, check out this awesome video from last week's Springbreakthrough created by the talented Shoeless Works videography team.
Sometimes when I tell people how I'm spending my vacation, I get sort of a crazy look. The "why would you want to spend your free time with teenagers" look. But these kids inspire me and challenge me and are some of my great friends. It's gonna be a wonderful week.
To get an idea of what it's like, check out this awesome video from last week's Springbreakthrough created by the talented Shoeless Works videography team.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
The Cycle
I'm realizing that since last May, I've been very much on a cycle with my weight loss efforts, but I'm trying very hard to get off this not-so-merry go round.
I start off great, highly motivated and ready to make good choices. This phase in the cycle is easy and feels normal It usually comes after an extended period of making repeated bad choices and my body is ready for the change. Usually this phase lasts anywhere from a week to two and a half weeks. I usually lose a good bit of weight the first week and another pound or so the second week. Then I get so excited that I've lost that much that I start weighing more frequently. Right when I start weighing more frequently, my body slows down on the losing, which gets disappointing. That, in combination with going too long trying to "be good," is usually what leads into the second phase of the cycle.
The second phase in the cycle usually lasts a few days, up to a week. This is when I start to struggle. The choices aren't easy any more. I still make some good choices, but the bad choices start to creep in slowly, one at a time. This is where I am right now.
The third phase is something akin to going "hog wild." Bad choices, bad choices, bad choices. I eat whatever I want, whenever I want and usually a lot of it is chocolate or meals eaten out. This can last anywhere from one week to one month. I usually end up gaining several pounds during this period, thus the reason why I've never made it to 100 pounds lost yet. I want desperately to avoid the third phase this time around and bust on through to my goal.
As of my last official weigh-in last Monday, I am only four pounds from 100. That sounds exciting, but I've been here before and more than once, and I've never been able to hang on long enough to cross that 100-pound barrier. That's why I need to stay focused, look for good choices and keep working hard. I've just got to try, cause this cycle is making me dizzy.
I start off great, highly motivated and ready to make good choices. This phase in the cycle is easy and feels normal It usually comes after an extended period of making repeated bad choices and my body is ready for the change. Usually this phase lasts anywhere from a week to two and a half weeks. I usually lose a good bit of weight the first week and another pound or so the second week. Then I get so excited that I've lost that much that I start weighing more frequently. Right when I start weighing more frequently, my body slows down on the losing, which gets disappointing. That, in combination with going too long trying to "be good," is usually what leads into the second phase of the cycle.
The second phase in the cycle usually lasts a few days, up to a week. This is when I start to struggle. The choices aren't easy any more. I still make some good choices, but the bad choices start to creep in slowly, one at a time. This is where I am right now.
The third phase is something akin to going "hog wild." Bad choices, bad choices, bad choices. I eat whatever I want, whenever I want and usually a lot of it is chocolate or meals eaten out. This can last anywhere from one week to one month. I usually end up gaining several pounds during this period, thus the reason why I've never made it to 100 pounds lost yet. I want desperately to avoid the third phase this time around and bust on through to my goal.
As of my last official weigh-in last Monday, I am only four pounds from 100. That sounds exciting, but I've been here before and more than once, and I've never been able to hang on long enough to cross that 100-pound barrier. That's why I need to stay focused, look for good choices and keep working hard. I've just got to try, cause this cycle is making me dizzy.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
A Week in Outfits
After posting last weekend about my personal wardrobe consultant revolutionizing my wardrobe, I was asked to post some pictures of my week. Here you go!
 |
| Monday |
 |
| Tuesday |
 |
| Wednesday |
 |
| Thursday |
My favorite outfit was Wednesday's garnet skirt with a pink top and a cardigan that pulled it all together. My second favorite was the polka dot skirt with pink top and black shrug from Monday.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Happy List
Life has been good lately. Here's a few of the things that have been making me happy, in no particular order.
- Tulips blooming
- Running errands with the windows down, country music up and sunglasses on
- Chile Verde with tortilla chips
- Zumba/Hip-hop fundraiser for Japan tonight
- Being outside
- Wearing skirts
- Swimming
- Eating dinner on my patio
- A productive Saturday and a restful Sunday
- A new pasta salad recipe I invented
- My dirt patch is finally growing grass
- Plans made to see a few of my fav cousins this summer
- Seeing the scale go down today
- Hormel Turkey Pepperoni Sticks
- Thoughts of the family beach trip (I love those people)
- Dogwoods blooming
- The book I'm reading, "Matched"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)