His Compassions Never Fail

So, I'm introducing a new segment here on the blog, "Memory Mondays."  See, since I did not start blogging about this journey until I had already lost quite a bit, I feel like you, my faithful readers, missed out on a lot of the anguish and celebration in the first 80 pounds.  In what will hopefully be a recurring feature on the blog, I'm going to look back at certain events, turning points, experiences, etc. that I had along the way and see what I learned from them. One thing that will make this more difficult is that I have a horrible memory, but I'll take my best shot at it. Here's the first addition of Memory Mondays, which is particularly appropriate today, which is my third straight day of poor eating habits. Tomorrow is a new day.

One Sunday, early in my journey (read: last fall) and after a particularly bad weekend of eating, I was quieter than usual at Bighouse, our church’s weekly youth group meeting, where I am a small group leader for a group of amazing high school girls.  When the band began to play and students and adults around me were praising God for his blessings, I drew to the back of the group to be alone in my sulking. 

It was there that my friend Stephanie H. found me.  She asked if I was okay, because she is used to seeing me up front, dancing and singing loudly off-key.  Before I knew it, I started crying and spilled out everything, how I was trying to diet and how it was so hard.  How I had messed up again and how afraid I was of failing, since that was the only outcome I’d ever known when it came to dieting. She listened, she empathized and she prayed for me. The next day, she posted Lamentations 3:22-23 on my Facebook. It says, “Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

Just being able to confess and discuss my anguish over it helped, but this verse helped even more. It’s something I’ve brought with me on the journey ever since.  When I have messed up and I am despairing about the mistakes I’ve made, I try to remember this verse. Each day is a new set of challenges and a new opportunity to succeed at my goals, and because of the Lord’s love, faithfulness and compassion for me, I am able to try again.

If you're trying to change something, and get easily discouraged by failed attempts, I hope this verse will encourage you.  Write it down and put it somewhere you will see it regularly.

Roots

So this weekend I spent many hours digging up all of my day lilies and replanting them next to my house. For any of you have ever been to my house, you realize what a massive job that was.  For any of you have not been to my house, let me just say that it took me about 11+ hours to do it over the course of two days. Now, when I close my eyes, all I see are day lily roots.

See the day lilies really liked where they were planted, and over the three years they were there, they multiplied like crazy, sending out these little tube-like shoots into the ground.  They kind of looked like carrots.  And actually, each plant had more than one kind of root, they had a couple each of the carrot-look-a-like kind, but then each one also had about a bajillion of these tiny roots that really gripped the dirt around it.

So over the course of the 11+ hours, I had a lot of time to think.  In the beginning, I was angry that I was going to be spending a majority of my weekend working in the yard instead of doing something more exciting.  I eventually got over my anger and thoughts gave way to pain (from a blister and from sitting in an awkward position for a long time) and fatigue.  Eventually, those thoughts transitioned to food.  I immediately determined that I "deserved" to have Zaxby's and milkshake that day and the thought kept me going the rest of the time.

And then I had Zaxby's and a milkshake.

That was Saturday.  Sunday was pretty much a repeat, but without anger and with BoJangles instead of Zaxby's.  And both of these meals replaced healthy meals that I already had made and sitting in my fridge.

Now coming off of last week when I reached my 90 pound goal, you would think that I would be pretty motivated to continue to eat well, but even after more than a year of this healthier lifestyle my natural instinct is still to go straight for the junk food. Now hold on, cause this is where this blog comes full circle.  See, I'm going to posit that I've put down years' worth of "roots" in bad eating. And just like the roots of the day lilies, it's going to take a lot of digging to get them up.  And its' going to be tiring, and painful sometimes, and will probably make me angry from time to time.  But I've got to keep pushing through, and hope that I can eventually shake all of those tiny little gripper roots someday.

It's all a mental game.

Remember

It's easy to forget sometimes, but when I get down on myself and this song by David Crowder comes on my ipod, then I remember:


The day is brighter here with You
The night is lighter than its hue
Would lead me to believe
Which leads me to believe

(chorus)
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
What does that make me?

My eyes are small but they have seen
the beauty of enormous things
Which leads me to believe
there's light enough to see that

(chorus)
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours

From glory to glory
You are glorious You are glorious
From glory to glory
You are glorious. You are glorious
Which leads me to believe
why I can believe 


You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours

From glory to glory From glory to glory
You are glorious. You are glorious.
You are glorious. You are glorious.

- David Crowder Band

Victory Boots

These boots are boots of victory.  See, this summer I was fortunate enough to  receive the gift of many skirts from friends who cleaned out their closets.  They became practically all I wore to work, mostly because I had no pants that fit.  So with autumn approaching, I was wondering what I was going to wear when it became too cold for skirts.
Then it hit me! If I could get some tall boots, I could continue wearing a lot of the skirts through most of the winter. So about a month ago, I set a goal to lose 90 pounds and decided when I did, I would buy myself tall boots as a reward.
Well, today, I hit 89.5 pounds lost (ah, the power of rounding!) and tonight I am the proud owner of tall boots.
Rewarding yourself along the way is an important part of weight loss. I've had several goals with rewards that have helped me get this far.  At 30 pounds lost, I got my own copy of  the Time Traveller's Wife. At 50 pounds lost, I bought some new tennis shoes. You get the picture. These boots are especially sweet since it took me five months to achieve these last ten pounds. And I've got big plans for when I make it to 100 pounds. Stay tuned. You'll see.
Do you regularly set goals?  If you do, do you reward yourself when you reach them? How?

*This blog and these boots are dedicated to my friend April G., who loves boots,

Get Creative

This week, I've been able to fit in a bunch of extra "calorie burns" without even realizing it.  Here's how I snuck up on myself with these fun workouts.

• Saturday I walked around on our campus's golf course for an hour taking pictures of families playing disc golf during Family Weekend.  While it was a leisurely pace, I learned a lot about disc golf and had a fun time meeting the families.  It was a perfectly beautiful day, and I was glad to be outside.
• Amie organized a hike on Sunday to Crowder's Mountain.  We walked uphill in the beautiful woods for an hour, burning calories and taxing our quads, talking about a myriad of things.  Then we got to the top, took pictures and ate a snack.  We climbed downhill for an hour, scrambling over boulders and working our glutes and calves along the way.  Before you know it, we had 2+ of exercise done and lots of good time in the fresh air with friends.
• Yesterday my team had an intramural softball game.  I've never really counted softball as a workout, cause it's just fun.  But each time the ball was hit I would take off after it. I was playing right field and only one ball actually came in my range the whole night, but it's still instinct to move toward the ball.  Plus it was cold, so I had to continually jump around or dance in place to stay warm.  All that stopping and starting burned some quality calories by raising and lowering my heart rate.  
• Today I started a multi-day yard project that got me outside and digging in the dirt.  While I never would've chosen to do this tonight after work if I had the option, it was a beautiful evening to be outside and was better for me than laying on the couch like I wanted to do. 

So, a lot of people think exercise is drudgery.  That it is something to be tolerated or endured. Really, it just takes a little creativity to find activities that you enjoy and that helps your body at the same time. I've even got a few more ideas for fun forms of exercise I'd like to try.  I've never played tennis, but it looks like a wicked good workout.  (Anybody want to loan me a racquet and play with me?)

What are fun ways that you exercise without even realizing it?  Anybody have a sport or activity you want to try but haven't yet?

Thanks.

So, while stalking Facebook today, I saw a friend post this site to another friend:  http://thxthxthx.com/.You should check it out (go ahead, check it out, I will wait here. Just make sure you come back). It's a blog and the "about" section reads:


Leah Dieterich's mother always told her to write thank you notes. So she does. To everything. thxthxthx is her daily exercise in gratitude. 


And it inspired me to say thanks today to these people/things, in no particular order:


Thanks, almonds, for being such a tasty, healthy and packed-full-of-protein snack.
Thanks, Abi, for your ability to listen and remember and pray and care and not judge.  I wouldn't be this close to my goal without you.
Thanks, scale, for the times you go down (we won't discuss other times here).
Thanks, ipod, for always knowing the right song to play and for keeping me moving during workouts.
Thanks, mom and dad, for being the kind of parents that encourage and support. I don't think most people are lucky enough to have the kind of relationship with their parents that I do with mine.
Thanks, West Center, for being the most awesome gym and for being only 20 feet from one of my office doors.
Thanks, readers, for your encouraging comments either in the comments section below, via facebook or in person. They mean so much to me.
Thanks, Monica and Ellen, for being such great workout partners for me before I liked working out. I never would've kept it up in the beginning without you.
Thanks, McAlister's, for being the easiest restaurant to eat at and still stick to my diet. I love your easy-to-use online nutrition guide and your multiple tasty low-cal options.
Thanks, collarbone, for sticking out and reminding me how far I've come.
Thanks, Cindy, for believing in me and encouraging me.
Thanks, bananas, for being such a tasty, yet highly portable and accessible snack.
Thanks, water, for being such a remarkable source of refreshment and health and also a fun way to workout.
Thanks, Stefanie, for being such a fitness inspiration and running role model. Thanks for running my first 5k with me too; it meant so much.
Thanks, 30th birthday, for inspiring me to make a change.
Thanks, skin, for shrinking back into place, when the fat below you burned away. I was really worried you'd want to stay the same size and I'd end up looking weird, but you really are a remarkable organ.
Thanks, sparkrecipes.com, for always helping me find easy and healthy recipes.
Thanks, Alyssa and April and Stephanie H. and Amy W., for giving me clothes that you did not need any more and saving me hundreds of dollars as I changed sizes. Also, thanks for making me more fashionable than I naturally am.
Thanks, Kashi Go Lean Crunch, for finally solving my "what to eat for breakfast?" dilemma.
Thanks, Jen, for enduring my crazy, taking care of Bon so I can stay late to work out, and adjusting to my "no eating out" regimen.
Thanks, legs, for continuing to work well, with minimal soreness, even though I punish you by making you run multiple miles at a time.
Thanks, Lindy and Dre and Chalene, for Turbo Kick. Man, I love Turbokick.
Thanks, Turbo Kick, for being the most awesome, kick-butt way of working out.
Thanks, Matt and Lynne, for enduring the Insanity work out with me. I never would've kept going without you there. Thanks also for the regular encouragement and workout advice.
Thanks, softball, for being the best sport ever invented, and a fun way to burn extra calories without even realizing it.
Thanks, Amie, for being the most regular commenter on the blog; it helps to know someone is reading. Thanks also for your general attitude toward life and God and friends and giving and receiving that helps make me a better person.
Thank you, God, for giving me breath, strength, perseverance, love, friends, family, grace, eternal life, and a million other things, even though I deserve none of these. You deserve so much more praise than these few lines in blog can give you. I hope that by honoring my body, I am honoring you.


Love,
Jill


(Thanks, Jess, for finding and posting the thank you note link.)

Five Steps

So when I wrote my 5k recap a couple of weeks ago, I wasn't entirely honest. Since then, I've told two people the truth, which is, I ran the whole 5k except for somewhere between five and ten steps.
** I didn't count the steps, so I don't have an exact number. I'm just going with five steps for the rest of the blog, because it helps the narrative to not have to say "somewhere between five and ten steps" each time.

Now, you may be thinking, "Five steps? Why would she make a whole blog post out of five steps? What's the big deal?"  Two reasons:
1) I try to be honest, and I don't like that when people have asked me how I did, I've said "Great! I ran the whole race." When really in the back of my mind, all I'm thinking about are those five steps and how I'm a liar. I'm not sure why I've been leaving the five steps out of conversation. Maybe because it's just simpler or maybe because of reason #2.

2) Those five steps mean a lot. They mean I was admitting defeat. They mean I was giving up on my goal.  They mean that I was okay with taking the easy way out.  I actually made a conscious decision to stop running, even though I knew that I could run that distance (I had done it in training) and I had set a goal to run the whole 5k.  Luckily, my body didn't let me give up on myself.  When I slowed to the walk so quickly, I got dizzy.  I  thought, "I'd rather be running and tired than walking and dizzy" so I picked it back up again, and that's why it was only five steps.

So, while I'm not proud of the decision to drop to a walk, I'm trying to use it as a learning experience.  Reminding myself of the importance of setting and meeting goals, knowing I would never have gotten as far as I have without them. Remembering that my health is too important to give up on myself.   I've still got around 14 pounds to lose before I make it to the big 100 pounds lost. It's been slower going of late, but that doesn't mean I can admit defeat, give up on my goal and take the easy way out.  Nope, I'm going to keep running toward the finish.

Running (and weight loss) is such a mental game.

Oh, and since the last 5k post, they've published the official race times.  Mine was 33min,36seconds, which is six seconds shy of being two minutes quicker than my last 5k.  I finished 197th out of three hundred and something runners and walkers.