Skeered

Last week when I wrote this post, I had come off a great couple weeks of running.  And I was looking to continue it.  So even though I knew I had a crazy busy week coming up, I took time to schedule my running workouts for the coming week and was confident I would follow through.

See, I knew that Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I would have absolutely no time to run and probably very little energy.  So, being a proactive sort, I decided I would run Sunday, Thursday and Saturday to still get in three workouts for the week.

Sunday, I completed day one of week five of my C25K program.  I was on track with my plan.  Then Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday hit and I lost all motivation.  To say those three days were busy is an understatement.  They were physically exhausting, as I spent about 10-12 hours each day on my feet and "running"* to and fro.  They were also mentally exhausting and stressful.

Thursday and Friday came and went without running.  I was tired and still a residual sort of busy.  Saturday and Sunday came and I was just plain lazy, so they also went without running.  I felt guilty for not running, but not enough to tie on some shoes, apparently.

But today is Monday. The great "day to get it back on track;" a clean slate.  And yet I didn't run again.
I have no excuses for my behavior today. I was well rested, recovered from my busy week last week.  I did have a lot going on at work, but that's the norm.  Everything I was doing could've waited while I took a gym-lunch break. But I didn't.

I know what it is.  I'm skeeered. I'm afraid of going out there and not being able to do it.  Of losing stamina and mental strength that I've been building up (slowly) this fall. I'm not sure what else, but I do know I'm afraid.

It sounds stupid, but it's the truth. I'd love to pick up with my week five workouts tomorrow. My gym bag is already packed.  But honestly, I don't know if I will. I thought that writing this post would make me feel silly enough about these thoughts that I'd be charged up to run tomorrow.  That's not the case.  I guess I'll just have to see what tomorrow brings.

*I use the term "running" here loosely. I was wearing sneakers and did occasionally move at higher than typical speeds, but it should probably be more accurately described as "walking with a purpose."

Singin' and Runnin'

I have been really happy lately.
Like unexpectedly, out of nowhere happy.

Not that I was necessarily unhappy before. But you know, you're living life day to day and life is good, it's fine, but maybe not sunshine-bursting-out-of-you-happiness.

Anyway, I've been thinking about where are all of this happiness is coming from, and I'm blaming two things: singing and running.

I joined the choir at my church last month. I can not explain how much I love singing with this group. Clearly, I've always loved to sing, but this is more than that. Maybe it's partly because it's challenging, partly because it's a beautiful blending of the different voices, partly because it's in praise of the King of Majesty, and partly because it's just fun. I'm not sure why I never joined before, except that I maybe thought choir was for old people. No more of that nonsense thinking. Just happiness and singing.

Second, I've been back on track with running for almost three weeks now. After taking most of the summer off from running and then struggling to stick with my running work outs for a month or two, it feels good to be back. If you've ever read this blog before you might remember that I have sort of a love-hate relationship with running. Let me assure you that putting running as one of the reasons for my bursting happiness does NOT mean that I now love running. On the contrary, I still dread each run, and it is still hard, physically and mentally, for me. Almost every step I take, I'm convincing or tricking myself into continuing to run. But I've been really lucky (?) the last three weeks in that I have completed each work out exactly when I've set out to do it exactly how I've meant to do it. And that sense of accomplishment, combined with the endorphins released while running, have been contributing factors to the happiness.

So that's my current recipe for happiness. What's been making you happy lately?

Bloggity Updates

So, the blog is back!

Sort-of. Let me explain.

I can't really explain why I stopped blogging in the first place. Lots of reasons I guess. I put a lot of pressure on myself to update regularly, and that both took a lot of time and became difficult to continue to come up with new, relevant topics.

But also, to be honest, I wasn't doing so hot at the weight loss journey that I built the blog on and didn't feel like I could continue to spout "wisdom" that I wasn't following. Right? No fakers, please.

There have been a few times that I've missed the blog as a means of expression, and lots of times that I've missed your comments. I realize now that removing the url from the web may have been a bit drastic.

So, the blog is back with a few changes. I will not be updating regularly, just when the mood strikes.  It may not be often.  Also, I will be writing about whatever strikes my fancy, it may not, and actually probably won't, be weight loss related.

I hope you can live with that.  Talk to you again soon.


PS Two things I am in love with right now in pop culture: 
1) The movie, Pitch Perfect. I laughed a lot and continue to laugh about it over a week later. 
2) The tv show, The Mindy Project. I want to be friends with her.